Troublemaker Friend

You know that saying can't see the wood for the trees?
Well sometimes when you're close to a situation and emotionally involved that's exactly what it is you can't see because it's so close.
For us it's easy we're going by cold words that you've typed, no emotion no feelings..
But what we do bring the emotions we have about situations we have seen when our loved ones have been unable to get an ambulance because they're all busy , maybe answering a call from someone like Vicki. Like my brother who didn't get the mental Healthcare that he needed the Healthcare that might have saved his life because the social workers were too busy with other people,, maybe people like Vicki.

People like my dear friend who has been pushed from one temporary accommodation to another who's never received counselling and never received the help that she really needs because everyone's too busy and people like Vicki are messing social workers around, calling police , calling ambulances, wasting people's time when other people are suffering in silence and yes it makes people like me quite angry and very unsympathetic.
So until Vicky can learn to behave then no I don't think she deserves sympathy and as for the people that turned away from her, did they t turn or were they pushed ...pushed beyond their limits ...pushed by her bad behavior, her abusiveness and her time wasting?

*She also wandered up to a man and struck him five times across the body and face*

She should count herself lucky. Many people would have retaliated and she could have found herself in hospital if not worse..

But that is assault she could be in prison for that anyway.

All resources are stretched the same way, even the prison service. Years ago she would have been locked up in an asylum but they don't exist, at least in the numbers and form that they did. We know what is needed but have no power to sort it. It should be said though that we are not there and don't know many of the fine details which would be relevant.

Lol. I think that comes under the heading of the short sharp shock !

The bottom line here, for me, is a quite simple question for Candy.

Does Vicky think she is doing nothing wrong?

Then she is obviously in need of mental health help, because while other people may not be 100% perfect she is absolutely no angel and she has to take ownership of what she is doing.

I spoke to Vicky on the telephone last night: she made it clear I don't know what it is like to be her. I have to say, she has a point. Because, no: I haven't been arrested. I wasn't put into foster care with a mother that didn't care. I wasn't beaten by bullies at school. I haven't been insulted and verbally abused by strangers.

It would be easy for me to say Vicky is a troublemaker and causes her own problems, but surely that is a very selfish attitude. She has suffered: her un-caring mother was certainly never her fault. And she didn't ask to be bullied.

Basically, on the inside it's harder to judge so negatively. Of course, these things don't give her the right to beat up strangers, but can you guys see where I'm coming from?

You're right: Vicky has done ALL of those things.

I am in shock, really: which I know I should've been years ago.

The first thing to do is to remember that she has less empathy than you would expect in every day situations, so be careful not to get between her, and another she is disagreeing with. Simply say calmly, that you are moving on, and go without making any fuss.

If it were me, I would back right off as smoothly as possible, and look to find another friend. You have done your bit, you tried to look after her, but her problem is probably more deep seated than you had imagined. 

Vicky was a bit angry with me yesterday: I couldn't remember what I had said about her to someone, so I couldn't deny it or argue about it.

When your memory is as bad as mine, I can't tell what I did or did not say. It's hard to deny what you MIGHT have said. I just can't remember.

Anyhow, we are still friends. Also, I spoke to my dad about her: he said how lonely she must feel and how many people have committed suicide because of that loneliness. It doesn't excuse her behaviour but there has to be some level of understanding on my behalf.

A good time to run, and not look back.

It does make me wonder if she would ever phone in such a case, but just for a friendly call rather than complain because you haven't been in contact

I ended up organizing the removal of a heavy item from Vicky's flat. The social services had MONTHS to do it. Did they bother? No. So I did it instead. What took me 10 minutes online would've taken social services nearly 6 months. It drove me mental.