Suicide Awareness

I can speak from personal experience that you have to get to a pretty low & dark place to actually contemplate it and attempt it. I was kinda pissed that I screwed up my attempt the one time I tried it. I tried to do it with pills at school. I was in the bathroom for 3 hrs and nobody noticed. I could've died. I wish I had.

I survived it and decided if I couldn't even do that right it wasn't worth repeating. A person can only withstand so much pain for just so long before the mind starts to break down. I'm not suicidal but I gotta tell ya, I'm not in a good place right now. I'm just kinda hangin on & hopin for the best.

The help I need isn't available here apparently. I don't need a damn therapy dog or yoga. I need someone to talk to with real life solutions that don't involve imaginary shit. Can't get the therapist to understand that. Pretty damn sad. If this is the way mental health care is going it's no wonder people don't survive this crap. I never called any suicide hotline cuz I don't even know if they had one back then. I can imagine the conversation that would take place though. Doubt it would help much for some poor soul on the other end of the line.

I've spent years dragging myself outta the mire every time I find myself in the murky waters of depression. Sometimes I spend some time dog paddling around in the deep end until my brain can justify being alright. Most people aren't that strong. I've had to take care of my own mental health for so long now that it's just second nature. Not one damn person in my life ever listened or gave a shit. Just told me to suck it the f*ck up and deal with it. Not very helpful.

People that do this shit do it because they reach a place where they no longer care. They are at rock bottom. Nobody is there to pull the pills from their hands or the gun from their mouth or the noose from their neck. At that moment it ends up being between them and God. God loves us but he's given us the freedom to choose how we live and die. Sometimes I think he intervenes. Why I don't know. But when I'm down to the bottom of my depression where there's nothing left but sadness and darkness and emptiness...there's no one here to help or to talk to. Nobody wants to be a party to this shit. So we are left to our own devices. If people really cared they'd be there for you when it's darkest and not just when the days are sunny.