Troublemaker Friend

Rebecca Jo
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Troublemaker Friend Apr 24, 2023 15:52:18 GMT -5 a_muppet, jen, and 1 more like this

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Post by Rebecca Jo on Apr 24, 2023 15:52:18 GMT -5

It might not be your job to be that emotional support. Maybe she needs folks from a hotline or a local organistation who deal with these things often. Think about it, anyway, so that you don't end up a wreck yourself simply because you felt you were the only one she could turn to in these times.

Hugs!

a_muppet Global Moderator Posts: 35,010	Troublemaker Friend Apr 24, 2023 16:18:26 GMT -5 cassie, Rebecca Jo, and 1 more like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by a_muppet on Apr 24, 2023 16:18:26 GMT -5 Candy, apart from being 'needed' can I ask what you are getting out of this 'friendship'. It seems very one sided.
	Caution, I am feral.

Popcorn&Candy
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Posts: 11,359

Troublemaker Friend Apr 25, 2023 10:44:15 GMT -5

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Post by Popcorn&Candy on Apr 25, 2023 10:44:15 GMT -5

Thank you, Rebecca Jo.

Apr 24, 2023 16:18:26 GMT -5 a_muppet said:

Candy, apart from being 'needed' can I ask what you are getting out of this 'friendship'. It seems very one sided.

I just can't be a b*tch and reject Vicky.* I'd be so cruel and evil. It isn't that I feel I "owe" her something: I just can't leave her to suffer.

*I'm not suggesting that you're suggesting to be a b*tch.

Reigning Supreme Queen Of Laundry

Rebecca Jo
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Troublemaker Friend Apr 26, 2023 13:16:22 GMT -5 via mobile a_muppet, cassie, and 1 more like this

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Post by Rebecca Jo on Apr 26, 2023 13:16:22 GMT -5

Honestly, some people get so comfortable with their misery that getting out of it is more effort than they want, and might also seem scary because it's the unknown. If she's not working hard to change, your staying around as the friend she can moan to is enabling her, and that's the opposite of help.

Former enabler speaking here...

a_muppet
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Troublemaker Friend Apr 26, 2023 17:25:49 GMT -5

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Post by a_muppet on Apr 26, 2023 17:25:49 GMT -5

Apr 26, 2023 13:16:22 GMT -5 Rebecca Jo said:

Honestly, some people get so comfortable with their misery that getting out of it is more effort than they want, and might also seem scary because it's the unknown. If she's not working hard to change, your staying around as the friend she can moan to is enabling her, and that's the opposite of help.

Former enabler speaking here...

Indeed. It's nice to know you are helping. You get that warm smug feeling.

Even if doing it is the opposite of what is needed.

Caution, I am feral.

Popcorn&Candy
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Troublemaker Friend Apr 27, 2023 7:35:04 GMT -5

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Post by Popcorn&Candy on Apr 27, 2023 7:35:04 GMT -5

I think I'll just ride out the storm. Although my sister says if I become unwell from all the stress the friendship brings she'll consider having my numbers changed. My sister has also said one-day it may be necessary to tell Vicky I want a two-month break from the friendship. But Vicky does not know this.

Oh dear.

Reigning Supreme Queen Of Laundry

cassie
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Troublemaker Friend Apr 27, 2023 9:40:35 GMT -5 via mobile a_muppet and Rebecca Jo like this

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Post by cassie on Apr 27, 2023 9:40:35 GMT -5

Apr 27, 2023 7:35:04 GMT -5 Popcorn&Candy said:

I think I'll just ride out the storm. Although my sister says if I become unwell from all the stress the friendship brings she'll consider having my numbers changed. My sister has also said one-day it may be necessary to tell Vicky I want a two-month break from the friendship. But Vicky does not know this.

Oh dear.

Maybe your tiredness is partly because of the stress?

a_muppet
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Troublemaker Friend Apr 27, 2023 11:52:00 GMT -5 Rebecca Jo likes this

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Post by a_muppet on Apr 27, 2023 11:52:00 GMT -5

Apr 27, 2023 9:40:35 GMT -5 cassie said:

Apr 27, 2023 7:35:04 GMT -5 Popcorn&Candy said:

I think I'll just ride out the storm. Although my sister says if I become unwell from all the stress the friendship brings she'll consider having my numbers changed. My sister has also said one-day it may be necessary to tell Vicky I want a two-month break from the friendship. But Vicky does not know this.

Oh dear.

Maybe your tiredness is partly because of the stress?

Just so. ^^

Caution, I am feral.

Popcorn&Candy Rare Member Posts: 11,359	Troublemaker Friend Apr 28, 2023 0:54:14 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Popcorn&Candy on Apr 28, 2023 0:54:14 GMT -5 Vicky is certainly hard work! But she hasn't involved me personally with the police or anything. Vicky just needs someone to listen. She doesn't really take my advice.
	Reigning Supreme Queen Of Laundry

Popcorn&Candy Rare Member Posts: 11,359	Troublemaker Friend Apr 28, 2023 13:42:09 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Popcorn&Candy on Apr 28, 2023 13:42:09 GMT -5 I'm sick and tired of Vicky repeatedly telephoning. Once or twice is great: but over and over is too much. I'm being driven mad.
	Reigning Supreme Queen Of Laundry

Popcorn&Candy Rare Member Posts: 11,359	Troublemaker Friend Apr 29, 2023 1:30:09 GMT -5 a_muppet likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Popcorn&Candy on Apr 29, 2023 1:30:09 GMT -5 I've now temporarily blocked her number: she telephoned me at 6am today. I'm not having it. I'll unblock her number when she stops being so obsessive. I'm not always a morning person.
	Reigning Supreme Queen Of Laundry

cassie
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Troublemaker Friend Apr 29, 2023 3:54:01 GMT -5 a_muppet and jen like this

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Post by cassie on Apr 29, 2023 3:54:01 GMT -5

Apr 28, 2023 13:42:09 GMT -5 Popcorn&Candy said:

I'm sick and tired of Vicky repeatedly telephoning. Once or twice is great: but over and over is too much.

I'm being driven mad.

You now know how her neighbours must feel...

jen
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Troublemaker Friend Apr 29, 2023 7:43:58 GMT -5 a_muppet likes this

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Post by jen on Apr 29, 2023 7:43:58 GMT -5

Apr 28, 2023 13:42:09 GMT -5 Popcorn&Candy said:

I'm sick and tired of Vicky repeatedly telephoning. Once or twice is great: but over and over is too much.

I'm being driven mad.

Apr 29, 2023 1:30:09 GMT -5 Popcorn&Candy said:

I've now temporarily blocked her number: she telephoned me at 6am today. I'm not having it. I'll unblock her number when she stops being so obsessive.

I'm not always a morning person.

I suspect that maybe now you are beginning to realise just how problematic such people can be. Even to professionals.

Last Edit: Apr 29, 2023 7:44:20 GMT -5 by jen

a_muppet
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Troublemaker Friend Apr 29, 2023 8:56:05 GMT -5 jen likes this

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Post by a_muppet on Apr 29, 2023 8:56:05 GMT -5

Apr 29, 2023 1:30:09 GMT -5 Popcorn&Candy said:

I've now temporarily blocked her number: she telephoned me at 6am today. I'm not having it. I'll unblock her number when she stops being so obsessive.

I'm not always a morning person.

That's a good choice.

Caution, I am feral.

a_muppet
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Troublemaker Friend Apr 29, 2023 8:57:24 GMT -5 jen likes this

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Post by a_muppet on Apr 29, 2023 8:57:24 GMT -5

Apr 29, 2023 7:43:58 GMT -5 jen said:

Apr 28, 2023 13:42:09 GMT -5 Popcorn&Candy said:

I'm sick and tired of Vicky repeatedly telephoning. Once or twice is great: but over and over is too much.

I'm being driven mad.

Apr 29, 2023 1:30:09 GMT -5 Popcorn&Candy said:

I've now temporarily blocked her number: she telephoned me at 6am today. I'm not having it. I'll unblock her number when she stops being so obsessive.

I'm not always a morning person.

I suspect that maybe now you are beginning to realise just how problematic such people can be. Even to professionals.

shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, you are reminding me of history I would rather continue to forget.

Caution, I am feral.

Popcorn&Candy
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Troublemaker Friend May 1, 2023 14:52:15 GMT -5

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Post by Popcorn&Candy on May 1, 2023 14:52:15 GMT -5

My friend has no idea I blocked her number: she will never find out, either. I've unblocked her number now and hope to never need to block it again.

Even though she's tough, I don't want to lose her friendship and feel I should stay by her side.

Reigning Supreme Queen Of Laundry

jen Rare Member Posts: 12,723 Member is Online	Troublemaker Friend May 2, 2023 2:53:18 GMT -5 a_muppet likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by jen on May 2, 2023 2:53:18 GMT -5 May 1, 2023 14:52:15 GMT -5 Popcorn&Candy said: My friend has no idea I blocked her number: she will never find out, either. This has me thinking. Would it be better if she did know? I'm unsure

a_muppet
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Troublemaker Friend May 2, 2023 3:02:59 GMT -5 jen likes this

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Post by a_muppet on May 2, 2023 3:02:59 GMT -5

May 2, 2023 2:53:18 GMT -5 jen said:

May 1, 2023 14:52:15 GMT -5 Popcorn&Candy said:

My friend has no idea I blocked her number: she will never find out, either.

This has me thinking. Would it be better if she did know? I'm unsure

I think so. She should know that she is weighing her friend down. Some empathy towards Candy would seem appropriate to me.

Caution, I am feral.

cassie
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Troublemaker Friend May 2, 2023 3:24:52 GMT -5 via mobile a_muppet likes this

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Post by cassie on May 2, 2023 3:24:52 GMT -5

May 2, 2023 3:02:59 GMT -5 a_muppet said:

May 2, 2023 2:53:18 GMT -5 jen said:

This has me thinking. Would it be better if she did know? I'm unsure

I think so. She should know that she is weighing her friend down. Some empathy towards Candy would seem appropriate to me.

Agreed its easy to say . I love you very much but I had to block you temporarily just to get some sleep..

a_muppet Global Moderator Posts: 35,010	Troublemaker Friend May 2, 2023 5:14:27 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by a_muppet on May 2, 2023 5:14:27 GMT -5 Just so ^^
	Caution, I am feral.

Popcorn&Candy Rare Member Posts: 11,359	Troublemaker Friend May 2, 2023 8:23:06 GMT -5 alsr likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Popcorn&Candy on May 2, 2023 8:23:06 GMT -5 NO! NO! NO! I can't tell Vicky: she'd be very upset and would feel rejected. I'm not on a soapbox but I won't be telling her.
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cassie
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Troublemaker Friend May 2, 2023 10:42:54 GMT -5 via mobile jen likes this

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Post by cassie on May 2, 2023 10:42:54 GMT -5

May 2, 2023 8:23:06 GMT -5 Popcorn&Candy said:

NO! NO! NO!

I can't tell Vicky: she'd be very upset and would feel rejected. I'm not on a soapbox but I won't be telling her.

On the other hand it might help her realise that her behaviour is testing and overwhelming at times

alsr
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Troublemaker Friend May 2, 2023 21:27:55 GMT -5 jen likes this

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Post by alsr on May 2, 2023 21:27:55 GMT -5

May 2, 2023 8:23:06 GMT -5 Popcorn&Candy said:

NO! NO! NO!

I can't tell Vicky: she'd be very upset and would feel rejected. I'm not on a soapbox but I won't be telling her.

Don't tell her then but when the time comes if she finds out, you should tell her the truth.

Popcorn&Candy Rare Member Posts: 11,359	Troublemaker Friend May 5, 2023 5:05:51 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Popcorn&Candy on May 5, 2023 5:05:51 GMT -5 May 2, 2023 21:27:55 GMT -5 alsr said: if she finds out, you should tell her the truth. If she does find out, I shall be truthful. In the meantime I am keeping silent.
	Reigning Supreme Queen Of Laundry

Popcorn&Candy Rare Member Posts: 11,359	Troublemaker Friend May 7, 2023 2:09:06 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Popcorn&Candy on May 7, 2023 2:09:06 GMT -5 I think my friend is a criminal. But I still care. And it is not easy seeing someone suffer like that. I am very mixed up about it.
	Reigning Supreme Queen Of Laundry

jen Rare Member Posts: 12,723 Member is Online	Troublemaker Friend May 7, 2023 2:11:31 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by jen on May 7, 2023 2:11:31 GMT -5 May 7, 2023 2:09:06 GMT -5 Popcorn&Candy said: I think my friend is a criminal. But I still care. And it is not easy seeing someone suffer like that. I am very mixed up about it. I can well imagine. Yours is not an eviable position

a_muppet
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Troublemaker Friend May 7, 2023 2:15:22 GMT -5 cassie and TestDummyCO like this

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Post by a_muppet on May 7, 2023 2:15:22 GMT -5

May 7, 2023 2:09:06 GMT -5 Popcorn&Candy said:

I think my friend is a criminal. But I still care. And it is not easy seeing someone suffer like that.

I am very mixed up about it.

A criminal? That's a bit of an understatement.

The picture you paint of her is that she is a thug, and a menace to the society around her.

You will not like to hear this:

The majority of victims, of violence, know their assailants well.

Caution, I am feral.

Popcorn&Candy Rare Member Posts: 11,359	Troublemaker Friend May 13, 2023 14:22:13 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Popcorn&Candy on May 13, 2023 14:22:13 GMT -5 Arrested again.
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cassie Elite Member III Posts: 7,583	Troublemaker Friend May 14, 2023 3:35:09 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by cassie on May 14, 2023 3:35:09 GMT -5 May 13, 2023 14:22:13 GMT -5 Popcorn&Candy said: Arrested again. Surprise surprise... I bet her neighbours hope the police keep her this time.

Popcorn&Candy
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Troublemaker Friend May 14, 2023 4:33:49 GMT -5

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Post by Popcorn&Candy on May 14, 2023 4:33:49 GMT -5

She HAS bothered her neighbours. This is after swearing she will keep to herself and follow the rules. "I won't call the ambulance in future": she calls the ambulance. "I won't get arrested again by the police": she behaves in a way that gets her arrested. She signed a contract for her flat that said she would lose her home if she failed to follow the tenant agreement. "Oh I don't want to sleep on a park bench". I'm afraid she is very close to sleeping on a park bench. Also, she didn't turn up for her court hearings: so the judge sent police officers to her flat and put her in a prison cell for 3 days.

She very well knew she had a court hearing: she was just too scared to go or simply did not want to go. It was strange she was always sick on the days of her court hearings, when she was fine the day before.

She is digging her grave.

Reigning Supreme Queen Of Laundry

Post by Rebecca Jo on Apr 24, 2023 15:52:18 GMT -5

Post by a_muppet on Apr 24, 2023 16:18:26 GMT -5

Post by Popcorn&Candy on Apr 25, 2023 10:44:15 GMT -5

Post by Rebecca Jo on Apr 26, 2023 13:16:22 GMT -5

Post by a_muppet on Apr 26, 2023 17:25:49 GMT -5

Post by Popcorn&Candy on Apr 27, 2023 7:35:04 GMT -5

Post by cassie on Apr 27, 2023 9:40:35 GMT -5

Post by a_muppet on Apr 27, 2023 11:52:00 GMT -5

Post by Popcorn&Candy on Apr 28, 2023 0:54:14 GMT -5

Post by Popcorn&Candy on Apr 28, 2023 13:42:09 GMT -5

Post by Popcorn&Candy on Apr 29, 2023 1:30:09 GMT -5

Post by cassie on Apr 29, 2023 3:54:01 GMT -5

Post by jen on Apr 29, 2023 7:43:58 GMT -5

Post by a_muppet on Apr 29, 2023 8:56:05 GMT -5

Post by a_muppet on Apr 29, 2023 8:57:24 GMT -5

Post by Popcorn&Candy on May 1, 2023 14:52:15 GMT -5

Post by jen on May 2, 2023 2:53:18 GMT -5

Post by a_muppet on May 2, 2023 3:02:59 GMT -5

Post by cassie on May 2, 2023 3:24:52 GMT -5

Post by a_muppet on May 2, 2023 5:14:27 GMT -5

Post by Popcorn&Candy on May 2, 2023 8:23:06 GMT -5

Post by cassie on May 2, 2023 10:42:54 GMT -5

Post by alsr on May 2, 2023 21:27:55 GMT -5

Post by Popcorn&Candy on May 5, 2023 5:05:51 GMT -5

Post by Popcorn&Candy on May 7, 2023 2:09:06 GMT -5

Post by jen on May 7, 2023 2:11:31 GMT -5

Post by a_muppet on May 7, 2023 2:15:22 GMT -5

Post by Popcorn&Candy on May 13, 2023 14:22:13 GMT -5

Post by cassie on May 14, 2023 3:35:09 GMT -5

Post by Popcorn&Candy on May 14, 2023 4:33:49 GMT -5

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