Arguing In Relationships - Healthy or Unhealthy?

Good thread.

I am in the middle here. But I always think every argument is going to be the end. Finally, they will see through me, and I will be history.

I still have to fight my corner though.

My mum used to say, only argue about something, if it will still bother you the following day, that seems like good advice.

I would add that you should be able to forget old arguments, if you can't, that is an alarm bell ringing.

Yes, I try not to let things get too heated.

One thing I dislike most about arguments is if you say something you cannot take back, so I do try to be careful with my words.

I try to avoid blurting things out, but it's not possible to do that in every situation, especially if I'm comfortable around the person lol

I have learned from various talk shows and books that it is ok to argue but it has to be constructive...you don't say things like "yeah well your mother is a jerk!"....or attack personally...

don't bring up past screw ups....only address the problem at hand.....

It sounds good, and I try....but I have been known to fly off the handle.

I am a pretty laid back person, but I can also be argumentative. I never argue about petty things, but when big issues come up and they do not go away, then I argue.

My ex and I got to the point where we would argue every day. He would always find some fault with me. Actually, ever since we bought a house together he would find things to pick me apart about and one day I just couldn't take it anymore so I started arguing back.

The things I would argue about were important. I wanted to travel, he saw it as a waste of money. I wanted to get married sometime soon, he saw that as an expense (even though he was the one to propose.) But then HE wanted a line of credit in case he "lost his job" and he always wanted to buy these big, extravagant things that I thought were pointless. He had an issue with me going out with my friends, and drinking, and enjoying life because he only wanted to stay in all of the time.

He would pick me apart over crumbs on the stove, a dirty floor, dirty dishes. Everything had to be his way so I ended things.

Conversely, I have been in relationships where we NEVER argue. I was with this one guy for 2 years before we started arguing, because we never had any issues... but then we had BIG issues that never got resolved. I was also with a guy I just didn't care enough about to argue with, so I ended things.

I like things in the middle as well. You need to get your voice across. If you don't like something about a person you could spend the rest of your life with, you need to tell them. But sometimes you are just too different.

And, make up later Jen

I feel that way sometimes too.  

If done kind of respectable, arguing can head off some serious future problems.
When people stop communicating, including arguing, it's over.
My mom and dad stopped communicating, and believe me, it was over, long before they knew it was, I guess.

Accusatory arguing can be very damaging though.
Proper dissent requires patience.
I'm working on it.
hahaha

Good post, Michelle. And Cher, if I find myself arguing with someone often I try to kill them with kindness.

Be careful. Kindness can be deadly! No pesos?

LOL! Hablar espanol?

Yep, there are definitely different ways to argue. Some are healthier than others, and some actually "get things done" instead of just causing people to get defensive.

I've always been somewhat non-confrontational, and sometimes I even avoid discussing issues out of fear. I get such bad anxiety, and I'm afraid of how others will react... but when it comes to my boyfriend, then I do make more of an effort to let him know what is bothering me (if it's something I cannot just shrug off)... but it can take me a few hours or days to get around to it lol I have to build up my confidence and think about it... I like to ensure I word things correctly as to not start a brand new issue.

Really, we don't "argue" too much, but we do communicate all the time. He usually tells me to leave him alone when he's upset lol I guess that is why we never yell at each other =p I just leave him alone until he is ready to talk about it. When I'm upset... he usually ends up attacking me with hugs and kisses lol

I think I'm a combination of both.