Post by sn000zy on Mar 31, 2015 15:32:51 GMT -5
As many of you already know, I recently ended my engagement.
Personally, now I am starting to wonder if I am even capable of a love that lasts.
Whenever I am with someone for a certain amount of time, usually between 1-2 years there is always SOMETHING about them that I simply CANNOT deal with. I try to fix it, I try to work it out with them but nothing ends up getting resolved. I then fall out of love with them and move on with my life.
I know I had to end my engagement, and I know I made the right choice because I have never looked back. I don't miss him, and I am not even sad we ended. I have no feeling towards him, obviously I don't have love... but I also don't have hate. Simply just indifference.
But I do wonder. Am I one of those people who will never be with someone for longer than two years? I have had many long term relationships that have ended around this mark. I have dated a lot of guys. 5 of them were serious, that I think could have ended in marriage.
My first serious relationship was 16-20. I stayed with him longer than I should have and what happened was I grew up and he stayed the same. Right after that, I dated a co worker who I LOVED so much. We ended shortly after the one year mark because he had a drinking problem and a spending problem. I was 21. I lived with both of them.
At 22 I dated a man for just over a year. I never lived with him and shortly after the one year mark I realized that we simply were not right for each other. He was just too boring, too submissive. An omega male.
I was single for a while after that. Casually dated a couple of guys that I knew I was going no where with, so I don't count them as serious relationships because they were not.
At 24 I dated another co worker who I LOVED. I loved him so much but he became physically abusive. I still loved him even when I left him but I knew it had to be done. I honestly thought at one point we would be married. But he was too messed up. I was in therapy for a year because of him.
A couple of months after we broke up, I started dating a man who would later propose to me. We met on the internet. I did love him. It wasn't the kind of love that knocked me on my feet like the last guy I dated before him or the guy I dated who was an alcoholic, but I did love him. I loved him so much at one point and I did see us together forever, and I was happy with it despite our fights and his anal retentiveness. I won't go on here because the details of our relationship are in another post. But, I fell out of love with him and our differences became irreconcilable, almost at the 2 year mark.
I am 27 now and I do wonder if this is just what I do. Is this what all of my relationships will be like or is my journey a fairly common one? I want to find a new love one day, but I don't know if I can ever commit so deeply as I had in the past for fear that I will simply end it when they make me so mad that I cannot move past them.
I know what I want in a man, I have a list. I know how to resolve conflict but it always seems that the other party is unwilling.
Thoughts?
Personally, now I am starting to wonder if I am even capable of a love that lasts.
Whenever I am with someone for a certain amount of time, usually between 1-2 years there is always SOMETHING about them that I simply CANNOT deal with. I try to fix it, I try to work it out with them but nothing ends up getting resolved. I then fall out of love with them and move on with my life.
I know I had to end my engagement, and I know I made the right choice because I have never looked back. I don't miss him, and I am not even sad we ended. I have no feeling towards him, obviously I don't have love... but I also don't have hate. Simply just indifference.
But I do wonder. Am I one of those people who will never be with someone for longer than two years? I have had many long term relationships that have ended around this mark. I have dated a lot of guys. 5 of them were serious, that I think could have ended in marriage.
My first serious relationship was 16-20. I stayed with him longer than I should have and what happened was I grew up and he stayed the same. Right after that, I dated a co worker who I LOVED so much. We ended shortly after the one year mark because he had a drinking problem and a spending problem. I was 21. I lived with both of them.
At 22 I dated a man for just over a year. I never lived with him and shortly after the one year mark I realized that we simply were not right for each other. He was just too boring, too submissive. An omega male.
I was single for a while after that. Casually dated a couple of guys that I knew I was going no where with, so I don't count them as serious relationships because they were not.
At 24 I dated another co worker who I LOVED. I loved him so much but he became physically abusive. I still loved him even when I left him but I knew it had to be done. I honestly thought at one point we would be married. But he was too messed up. I was in therapy for a year because of him.
A couple of months after we broke up, I started dating a man who would later propose to me. We met on the internet. I did love him. It wasn't the kind of love that knocked me on my feet like the last guy I dated before him or the guy I dated who was an alcoholic, but I did love him. I loved him so much at one point and I did see us together forever, and I was happy with it despite our fights and his anal retentiveness. I won't go on here because the details of our relationship are in another post. But, I fell out of love with him and our differences became irreconcilable, almost at the 2 year mark.
I am 27 now and I do wonder if this is just what I do. Is this what all of my relationships will be like or is my journey a fairly common one? I want to find a new love one day, but I don't know if I can ever commit so deeply as I had in the past for fear that I will simply end it when they make me so mad that I cannot move past them.
I know what I want in a man, I have a list. I know how to resolve conflict but it always seems that the other party is unwilling.
Thoughts?
::Sgc7Hl4::
creaking floors, you make me laugh,