Do you sometimes feel your friends are not real?

Not many plus forties will go for nights out, and you seem to find a bunch that meets that description.

Time to go find more friends. If you are doing the night school thing, choose options that allow interpersonal mingling, like cooking, not like maths, which involves individual work.

The past few years have been rough on a lot of people with the pandemic, so maybe that's part of why it has been worse getting people to talk or meet up. Aside from that, I know making friends as an adult is harder because everyone is just busy having to do all the adult tasks... some people really don't even have much time for themselves most days. Also, some people become more introverted as they age, so some may not have the same social needs they used to anymore.

I wonder if your friends would be willing to at least chat on the phone or over video chat or something.. maybe even while they are catching up on chores if they are really that busy lol sometimes it's more about people being so tired or having too much to catch up around the house that they can't go out or feel like having someone over, but a phone conversation might work, and it can keep the friendship going. That can maybe at least be better than nothing. My friends don't live near me, so I use Skype to hang out with them and catch up... and it feels just like all the times where we just sit in a room and talk about random things and have some laughs.

our meet up board for my area has nothing on it. not a bit surprise since many of the ppl here are weird & kinda creepy.

Also: friendship is a two-way street. Which reminds me I have to telephone my bestie: I've been busy these past few evenings, so haven't had the chance to phone her.

I will definitely telephone her tonight.

Anyhow, if someone is putting in 99% into the friendship and the other person 1%, there are clearly issues. It should be 50/50. I wouldn't write out the friendships for good, but I'd put them on the backburner and find new friends with organised events. Such as Meetup, which I am going to join.

I agree, Cassie. Sometimes I don't have the energy or time to get out, but it would be nice if others remembered me and texted or called now and then to make sure I'm still around and doing well. I do most of the remembering among my friends/acquaintances, but I'm trying to see that with some understanding and realise those people might not have the energy or time to reach out! Of course, for some of them, it could just mean they won't end up being close friends because they aren't motivated enough to make the time...

Lifestyle is all about choice.

 I am sociable with a couple of neighbours, but no friends locally, unless you include an ex bf. But even him I only chat online with.

My closest real friend is about 90 minutes away. She, I mentioned before, is rather ill, so I never see her, just her husband, who is an ex bf.

I have a summer party and a winter party for my friends, other than that, I leave it to them. I don't feel I have to meet or hang out with them so frequent to maintain the friendship. These are the kind of friends that I can go to if I need anything and they can come to me if they need anything. It has been that way all these years.

I'm wondering if I'm any good at being a good friend. I feel utterly useless sometimes. How do you know whether you're a good friend or not? When is it my error?

I need to learn a lot about friendship. I thought I did know: but now have doubts.

Thank you, Rebecca!

She got fed up of me: and honestly I can't blame her. BUT she has texted me today and wants to talk to me again.

I really thought our friendship was over. But I am telephoning her this evening - as she asked - and clearing the air.