Advice needed

Hi rebby92 and welcome. Feel free to start responding with your account instead now that you have been added.

I have moved your post to the relationships section now, so hopefully it will get more replies.

First thing's first.. sit down and take a deep breath... Now you need to decide what you want before involving anyone else including your husband.

Once you've decided that you can make a plan to move forward.
If you decide you cannot go on with the marriage then you will need to start making arrangements to leave which will mean having to involve lawyers etc etc to find a new place for yourself to live. The house may well be in his name but that does not mean that he has in 100% entitlement.

If you decide you want to give this another go then you also have plans to make. You mentioned a bad time mentally for him, that's understandable but it is not a free card for him to do as he pleases.
So you would have to work out how he can get help to deal with this in a professional manner without sticking his tongue down someone's throat.
Then you might need counselling, you may need someone to help you decide how you can best get through this and that would also be best coming from professional. Or/and you may decide that you need couples counselling so that you can talk , hear each others point of view and work together on those things going forward.

of course there is a third option which is that you simply ignore it stick your head in the sand, pretend it never happened, carry on and burt that resentment for the rest of your life, it's not an option that I would recommend.

Remember this is your decision it's not up to him to beg, whine or wheedle his way round, this is up to you, this is your life and you are taking the reins. Be strong.

Of course the ladies here will be standing by ready to offer you support, a shoulder to cry on or a place to rant without judgement. Good luck.

Here is my 2 cents:

Don't bother to call, so what if she knows he is married, you just humiliate yourself, and if she does not know and leaves him? he will get a replacement. Either way will not work.

How old are your children? are they old enough that you can work? then start looking for a job. If they are not, look for an after care and go get yourself a job.

While doing that, search for an law service support that can offer you pro-bono service.

Always remember, you are the only person that you can count on, happily married or not. And of course, you and your children can live without him.

15 years of marriage is more than enough for you and your children to get alimony and child support plus 59% of the marital assets regardless of the house is in his name.

He has no respect for you and your children since he thinks you have  no where to go. I hope you at least have your name on the bank account. If you do, you should see a divorce lawyer asap and don't even bother to hide it from him. This might open his eyes.

I agree that conforonting the other woman may be tempting but its unwise.
Plus if you lose your temper, even over the phone these days thats enough for her to file assult charges against you.
I also agree on the advice given regarding your health. Get yourself tested now.. Just in case. And ask him to get tested too..
If he wont then you have an indication of his genuine state of mind a man who was truly sorry would be more that will do do anything to make things right.


One more point , whatever you decide to do do it for yourself. Behave as a grown up and never use your children as weapons or bargining chips in whatever comes next. Dont 'stay for the children' dont poison them against their father, dont use the threat of them to punish him. They will know and they will resent it.

Depends on where you live. There are one-person consent laws over here!

Having been in a similar situation minus the kids...

If his drinking and being with other women is more important than your marriage it's time to make a plan to leave. You say you don't have money...get a job. Do what you have to do in order to take care of you and your children. There's no reason you HAVE to depend on him to survive. Had I done that it's hard telling where I'd be right now.

So first off here are your options:
1. Talk to him and tell him that your marriage is struggling and ask him if he's willing to go to therapy. If he says no....
2. Make a plan. A plan to either remain where you are and survive it or...a plan to leave. If you're not already working...go look for a job. If you can stash either all of your checks or part of them into a savings acct. Do you have transportation to get to a job? You have to do what's best for you and the kids. If he doesn't care then you have to.
3. Start looking for places to live. Start working on your moving day plan if that's the route you choose. I would advise moving when he's not home. Wait till you're out and safe before filing for divorce.

You don't have to leave. You can stay and weather it but, I doubt he'll change. Mine kept telling me he was sorry and he loved me and didn't want me to leave then when I left he told me he never loved me. He just married me so I wouldn't leave. I would try to get some proof of his issues so that you're lawyer would have a better shot at making sure you get custody. Not sure how old the kids are but be prepared to come up against some hard feelings unless you are the favored parent.

I know it's harder to get out with kids but there's programs available to help with living expenses. Section 8 helps with low income housing. Welfare...maybe food stamps. Food banks. Just do some digging and make a plan.

Great advice, Mary.

You're not a prisoner, Rebbyx: you don't have to stay married to your husband.

If you're deeply unhappy - and you feel your trust has been betrayed - you must leave for your sake: and the sake of your kids. Don't be a prisoner of a failing marriage. Move on.

Your husband seems to have moved on himself.