The Anniversary Effect/Reaction

Yes for me it's my birthday. There were only 4 days between my brother's birthday date and mine although there were 2 years in between.

After he died in 2009 I basically stopped actively celebrating my birthday and I can't imagine how it is for my mother sending me a birthday card knowing that her son is gone.

However last year I tried to break that cycle, you see I don't often take photos of myself or allow photos of myself to be taken.
So last year I set out with the idea of having a special birthday photo I climbed in historic tower that I've wanted to climb for a while and at the top I setup my little tripod and took a very nice photograph of myself which I published as my birthday photo.
This year I'm choosing a different location but I will make another birthday photo. It's my way of putting a positive spin on what is otherwise and rather gloomy time for me.

It happens every year on the anniversary of my grandmother's passing. We were very close.

That's awful and I know that many things are out of your control but take time for yourself it's not good to be under such pressure.

Sending hugs and hoping you feel loved here.

Make sure to do extra things you like each week! Maybe even something small every day... gotta make time to decompress to help manage the stress/emotion that starts piling on.

May and December are difficult for me. I got pregnant at 35 I think. She'd be 19 or 20 by now. I had a miscarriage on the first week of December. I hate Christmas now because it makes me cry. I usually prefer to be working on Christmas. The entire month of December I'm moody and sad. Then in may around her due date 23rd, I get depressed some more. I usually take the time to stop and tell Madaline that mommy is sorry and she loves her forever. I have a difficult time looking at people's new borns or their photos or listening to their mom stories. I will never get to hold mine or see her little face or anything ever. It was because I had a cyst growing inside me that went undiagnosed and the dr. refused to listen when I told him about my symptoms. I wasn't even supposed to get pregnant. Then a few months after the baby daddy dumped me I found out that God was actually watching over me and Mads by taking her from me because it turns out her father was a child molesting monster. He went to prison for 8 yrs after molesting a 7 yr old girl who is going to spend the rest of her life in therapy because of him. There were no signs or anything. He hid it well. It hurts me terribly but I know in the end God did what was best for us because I never could've taken care of her alone. I was 4 mo. preg. and she never made it past 6 wks in development because of the cyst. My body reabsorbed her. The miscarriage was a horrifying experience. Took 5 yrs for that cyst to show up. When it did...any chance I had at motherhood was gone forever. And that's ok. It was for the best.

Annie, hopefully that will change and better days are ahead. ❤️

Annie, I echo the others' sentiments. Hopefully, once you're settled into your new house, it'll get easier.

Marci, even if that was God's plan, it was still a devastating experience for you. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

This is not a happy thread. It shows reality from life but I feel so sad hearing some of the experiences.

I suppose the one that I remember, although I don't think it affects me too much, is the death of a much younger distant distant family member on my birthday.