My son's wedding probably will be the last time I have to deal with him. Can't wait for that day. We have a civilized relationship but his vindictiveness screwed me to an unforgivable point.
I am fortunate I have a boy, they are not as emotional as girls. As long as all their needs are met, they are fine. My son always has friends around him since he was in Kindergarten until now, so he is not lonely or has time to contemplate his parents' relationship.
My son's wedding probably will be the last time I have to deal with him. Can't wait for that day. We have a civilized relationship but his vindictiveness screwed me to an unforgivable point.
I am fortunate I have a boy, they are not as emotional as girls. As long as all their needs are met, they are fine. My son always has friends around him since he was in Kindergarten until now, so he is not lonely or has time to contemplate his parents' relationship.
Its sad when a parent /child relationship is stretched to breaking.
I havent had contact with my younger son since 2014. Ive been asked how I deal with it and my answer is that I have set him and us free. I know he is safe ,happy, employed etc he has adopted a child ( he always wanted a family) and Im happy that things are working out for him but Im als happy that I dont have to deal with his tantrums anymore. I love him but I dont need to see him.
Hopefully you will be able to let your son go in a similar way and be at peace with where that leaves you.
My son's wedding probably will be the last time I have to deal with him. Can't wait for that day. We have a civilized relationship but his vindictiveness screwed me to an unforgivable point.
I am fortunate I have a boy, they are not as emotional as girls. As long as all their needs are met, they are fine. My son always has friends around him since he was in Kindergarten until now, so he is not lonely or has time to contemplate his parents' relationship.
Did you mean the last time you had to deal with your ex husband?
My son's wedding probably will be the last time I have to deal with him. Can't wait for that day. We have a civilized relationship but his vindictiveness screwed me to an unforgivable point.
I am fortunate I have a boy, they are not as emotional as girls. As long as all their needs are met, they are fine. My son always has friends around him since he was in Kindergarten until now, so he is not lonely or has time to contemplate his parents' relationship.
Did you mean the last time you had to deal with your ex husband?
My son is not married yet so his wedding will be the last time I have to deal with his dad.
My son's wedding probably will be the last time I have to deal with him. Can't wait for that day. We have a civilized relationship but his vindictiveness screwed me to an unforgivable point.
I am fortunate I have a boy, they are not as emotional as girls. As long as all their needs are met, they are fine. My son always has friends around him since he was in Kindergarten until now, so he is not lonely or has time to contemplate his parents' relationship.
Its sad when a parent /child relationship is stretched to breaking.
I havent had contact with my younger son since 2014. Ive been asked how I deal with it and my answer is that I have set him and us free. I know he is safe ,happy, employed etc he has adopted a child ( he always wanted a family) and Im happy that things are working out for him but Im als happy that I dont have to deal with his tantrums anymore. I love him but I dont need to see him.
Hopefully you will be able to let your son go in a similar way and be at peace with where that leaves you.
My son has a great relationship with both of us. He is in DC, his Dad and I see him two three times a years, at different time of course. Whenever he is here, he splits time between our houses, we live less than 15 min away from each other. His Dad is very dedicated to him, when he remarried, he told his second wife who is 11 years younger than him, that he did not want any more children because he wanted to focus on our son. I talk to my son at least once a week, frequently twice. So does his father. If either one of us don't hear from him if we try to call him, we will be texting each other 3, 4 hours later. He is the only reason I am still communicating with his father, I have no desire to have anything to do with him after our son gets married.
Its sad when a parent /child relationship is stretched to breaking.
I havent had contact with my younger son since 2014. Ive been asked how I deal with it and my answer is that I have set him and us free. I know he is safe ,happy, employed etc he has adopted a child ( he always wanted a family) and Im happy that things are working out for him but Im als happy that I dont have to deal with his tantrums anymore. I love him but I dont need to see him.
Hopefully you will be able to let your son go in a similar way and be at peace with where that leaves you.
My son has a great relationship with both of us. He is in DC, his Dad and I see him two three times a years, at different time of course. Whenever he is here, he splits time between our houses, we live less than 15 min away from each other. His Dad is very dedicated to him, when he remarried, he told his second wife who is 11 years younger than him, that he did not want any more children because he wanted to focus on our son. I talk to my son at least once a week, frequently twice. So does his father. If either one of us don't hear from him if we try to call him, we will be texting each other 3, 4 hours later. He is the only reason I am still communicating with his father, I have no desire to have anything to do with him after our son gets married.
Sorry I got the idea it was your son.. Ex-husbands are another matter in most cases best left behind and forgotten about. I wish you luck with that.
My son has a great relationship with both of us. He is in DC, his Dad and I see him two three times a years, at different time of course. Whenever he is here, he splits time between our houses, we live less than 15 min away from each other. His Dad is very dedicated to him, when he remarried, he told his second wife who is 11 years younger than him, that he did not want any more children because he wanted to focus on our son. I talk to my son at least once a week, frequently twice. So does his father. If either one of us don't hear from him if we try to call him, we will be texting each other 3, 4 hours later. He is the only reason I am still communicating with his father, I have no desire to have anything to do with him after our son gets married.
Sorry I got the idea it was your son.. Ex-husbands are another matter in most cases best left behind and forgotten about. I wish you luck with that.
I also thought she was referring to her son.
My oldest daughter and I are estranged. She took what she needed from me to get through uni, financially, and educationally, then decided she was on her father's side.
She has taken the help I gave her, and run with it sufficiently that I should feel very proud of what she has achieved, but I just feel rather ashamed that I brought her up to be able treat people as she treats me.
I can't believe that I could call my own daughter an arse.
Still, it does emphasise to me how proud I am of the other three. All doing well, happy, and genuinely lovely warm people.
Last Edit: Oct 14, 2021 17:42:42 GMT -5 by a_muppet
My son has a great relationship with both of us. He is in DC, his Dad and I see him two three times a years, at different time of course. Whenever he is here, he splits time between our houses, we live less than 15 min away from each other. His Dad is very dedicated to him, when he remarried, he told his second wife who is 11 years younger than him, that he did not want any more children because he wanted to focus on our son. I talk to my son at least once a week, frequently twice. So does his father. If either one of us don't hear from him if we try to call him, we will be texting each other 3, 4 hours later. He is the only reason I am still communicating with his father, I have no desire to have anything to do with him after our son gets married.
Sorry I got the idea it was your son.. Ex-husbands are another matter in most cases best left behind and forgotten about. I wish you luck with that.
Keeping my fingers crossed, Cassie.
I was on the phone with him until 15 min ago, I asked him " you are taking her to Europe this New Year. Are you going to propose to her?" I could hear him laugh.
Sorry I got the idea it was your son.. Ex-husbands are another matter in most cases best left behind and forgotten about. I wish you luck with that.
I also thought she was referring to her son.
My oldest daughter and I are estranged. She took what she needed from me to get through uni, financially, and educationally, then decided she was on her father's side.
She has taken the help I gave her, and run with it sufficiently that I should feel very proud of what she has achieved, but I just feel rather ashamed that I brought her up to be able treat people as she treats me.
I can't believe that I could call my own daughter an arse.
Still, it does emphasise to me how proud I am of the other three. All doing well, happy, and genuinely lovely warm people.
My oldest daughter and I are estranged. She took what she needed from me to get through uni, financially, and educationally, then decided she was on her father's side.
She has taken the help I gave her, and run with it sufficiently that I should feel very proud of what she has achieved, but I just feel rather ashamed that I brought her up to be able treat people as she treats me.
I can't believe that I could call my own daughter an arse.
Still, it does emphasise to me how proud I am of the other three. All doing well, happy, and genuinely lovely warm people.
Now I am wondering, what did he feed her with?
She simply takes after his side of the family. They were all arses. I just didn't see it.
My parents were rather 'hands off' but did their best. His parents were very much 'hands on', and loving. I just didn't notice that it wasn't real, and very two faced. That is how my daughter turned out.
She simply takes after his side of the family. They were all arses. I just didn't see it.
My parents were rather 'hands off' but did their best. His parents were very much 'hands on', and loving. I just didn't notice that it wasn't real, and very two faced. That is how my daughter turned out.
At least you have a poisonous ex and family to blame. Ive no idea, my son was born that way.
I suppose looking back there were signs very early on. When my daughter was born he would take her rattle and just stand there watching the baby cry while he held the rattle. One time his glands swelled up and he looked like the elephant man we rushed this blue eyed blond haired angelic child to A&E and when the nurse said 'oh darling whats happened to you'? he looked her straight in the eye and said..... daddy shut my head in the door... He was 3 or 4 at the time. We spent 8 hours being watched and checked out by doctors and I suspect social services before being allowed home when tests proved it was an allergic reation.
He has been diagnosed with autism, ADD and bi-polar his personality borders on narcisstic. If you would tell him about something that happened to a freind he would say 'do I know this person, If not why the hell are you bothering me with it'?
But he is highly intelligent in school exams like the old English 11+ he scored the second highest marks ever for the county bear in mind at that point we had only been in the country a few years. His faults were in grammer.
As he grew up I had to be there for him attending every dental, hospital and doctors appointment until he was at least 26.
I always made sure there was a meal in the deep freeze for him just in case he turned up and wanted to eat. I bought certain products because those were the ones he liked. If I bought anything else he would tell me I bought crap. In hindsight we all have 20/20 vision but at the time you just think oh thats the way he is, he has his funny habits.. He could also be incredibly generous and loving.
Then in July 2014.. 4 months after OH's heart attack he asked me to give him and some friends a lift early the following day and OH said no. I had to work and OH said it wasnt fair. He stormed out, but he returned later and attacked us both beating his father to the ground and when I tried to stop him he struck out breaking my nose. I havent seen or spoken to him since.
As I said I love him, he is my son and I dont wish him harm but I dont need to see him ever again.
My eldest son and my daughter dont have contact with him either.
She simply takes after his side of the family. They were all arses. I just didn't see it.
My parents were rather 'hands off' but did their best. His parents were very much 'hands on', and loving. I just didn't notice that it wasn't real, and very two faced. That is how my daughter turned out.
At least you have a poisonous ex and family to blame. Ive no idea, my son was born that way.
I suppose looking back there were signs very early on. When my daughter was born he would take her rattle and just stand there watching the baby cry while he held the rattle. One time his glands swelled up and he looked like the elephant man we rushed this blue eyed blond haired angelic child to A&E and when the nurse said 'oh darling whats happened to you'? he looked her straight in the eye and said..... daddy shut my head in the door... He was 3 or 4 at the time. We spent 8 hours being watched and checked out by doctors and I suspect social services before being allowed home when tests proved it was an allergic reation.
He has been diagnosed with autism, ADD and bi-polar his personality borders on narcisstic. If you would tell him about something that happened to a freind he would say 'do I know this person, If not why the hell are you bothering me with it'?
But he is highly intelligent in school exams like the old English 11+ he scored the second highest marks ever for the county bear in mind at that point we had only been in the country a few years. His faults were in grammer.
As he grew up I had to be there for him attending every dental, hospital and doctors appointment until he was at least 26.
I always made sure there was a meal in the deep freeze for him just in case he turned up and wanted to eat. I bought certain products because those were the ones he liked. If I bought anything else he would tell me I bought crap. In hindsight we all have 20/20 vision but at the time you just think oh thats the way he is, he has his funny habits.. He could also be incredibly generous and loving.
Then in July 2014.. 4 months after OH's heart attack he asked me to give him and some friends a lift early the following day and OH said no. I had to work and OH said it wasnt fair. He stormed out, but he returned later and attacked us both beating his father to the ground and when I tried to stop him he struck out breaking my nose. I havent seen or spoken to him since.
As I said I love him, he is my son and I dont wish him harm but I dont need to see him ever again.
My eldest son and my daughter dont have contact with him either.
My mil was the source of all evil. Basically, she was unable to love, and she only valued those who didn't love her. Those she treated very well, at least to their faces. In fairness, it was easily apparent, that her father could barely tolerate her. He was no more loving than she, and he resented her desperate attempts to make him love her.
Seriously, it was like some telly soap opera.
I remember just before the final breakup, my ex said "Why does no-one love me?" His father probably did to some extent, but made it clear he preferred his older sister. His mother certainly didn't. I no longer did, and he hasn't had a proper relationship since I left 18 years ago. I honestly don't know why I ever married him. I must have had a bump on the head.
The answer to his question, I didn't share, simply as he took after his mother. Desperate to be loved, but unable to love in return.
Isn't it sad the impact that uncaring or cold parents can have on their children. Then people like you and I who want to offer love and warmth are used and abused, left to cope with the fallout of the damage that has been done in previous generations.
I take great pride in the fact that my oldest son and my daughter are loving decent human beings who will go out of their way to help others. And want nothing in return.
She simply takes after his side of the family. They were all arses. I just didn't see it.
My parents were rather 'hands off' but did their best. His parents were very much 'hands on', and loving. I just didn't notice that it wasn't real, and very two faced. That is how my daughter turned out.
At least you have a poisonous ex and family to blame. Ive no idea, my son was born that way.
I suppose looking back there were signs very early on. When my daughter was born he would take her rattle and just stand there watching the baby cry while he held the rattle. One time his glands swelled up and he looked like the elephant man we rushed this blue eyed blond haired angelic child to A&E and when the nurse said 'oh darling whats happened to you'? he looked her straight in the eye and said..... daddy shut my head in the door... He was 3 or 4 at the time. We spent 8 hours being watched and checked out by doctors and I suspect social services before being allowed home when tests proved it was an allergic reation.
He has been diagnosed with autism, ADD and bi-polar his personality borders on narcisstic. If you would tell him about something that happened to a freind he would say 'do I know this person, If not why the hell are you bothering me with it'?
But he is highly intelligent in school exams like the old English 11+ he scored the second highest marks ever for the county bear in mind at that point we had only been in the country a few years. His faults were in grammer.
As he grew up I had to be there for him attending every dental, hospital and doctors appointment until he was at least 26.
I always made sure there was a meal in the deep freeze for him just in case he turned up and wanted to eat. I bought certain products because those were the ones he liked. If I bought anything else he would tell me I bought crap. In hindsight we all have 20/20 vision but at the time you just think oh thats the way he is, he has his funny habits.. He could also be incredibly generous and loving.
Then in July 2014.. 4 months after OH's heart attack he asked me to give him and some friends a lift early the following day and OH said no. I had to work and OH said it wasnt fair. He stormed out, but he returned later and attacked us both beating his father to the ground and when I tried to stop him he struck out breaking my nose. I havent seen or spoken to him since.
As I said I love him, he is my son and I dont wish him harm but I dont need to see him ever again.
My eldest son and my daughter dont have contact with him either.
Hi Cassie, I am so sorry to hear this. My husband's younger brother had schizophrenia. What you described is exactly how my BIL was. He ended up killing himself in September 2019.
At least you have a poisonous ex and family to blame. Ive no idea, my son was born that way.
I suppose looking back there were signs very early on. When my daughter was born he would take her rattle and just stand there watching the baby cry while he held the rattle. One time his glands swelled up and he looked like the elephant man we rushed this blue eyed blond haired angelic child to A&E and when the nurse said 'oh darling whats happened to you'? he looked her straight in the eye and said..... daddy shut my head in the door... He was 3 or 4 at the time. We spent 8 hours being watched and checked out by doctors and I suspect social services before being allowed home when tests proved it was an allergic reation.
He has been diagnosed with autism, ADD and bi-polar his personality borders on narcisstic. If you would tell him about something that happened to a freind he would say 'do I know this person, If not why the hell are you bothering me with it'?
But he is highly intelligent in school exams like the old English 11+ he scored the second highest marks ever for the county bear in mind at that point we had only been in the country a few years. His faults were in grammer.
As he grew up I had to be there for him attending every dental, hospital and doctors appointment until he was at least 26.
I always made sure there was a meal in the deep freeze for him just in case he turned up and wanted to eat. I bought certain products because those were the ones he liked. If I bought anything else he would tell me I bought crap. In hindsight we all have 20/20 vision but at the time you just think oh thats the way he is, he has his funny habits.. He could also be incredibly generous and loving.
Then in July 2014.. 4 months after OH's heart attack he asked me to give him and some friends a lift early the following day and OH said no. I had to work and OH said it wasnt fair. He stormed out, but he returned later and attacked us both beating his father to the ground and when I tried to stop him he struck out breaking my nose. I havent seen or spoken to him since.
As I said I love him, he is my son and I dont wish him harm but I dont need to see him ever again.
My eldest son and my daughter dont have contact with him either.
My mil was the source of all evil. Basically, she was unable to love, and she only valued those who didn't love her. Those she treated very well, at least to their faces. In fairness, it was easily apparent, that her father could barely tolerate her. He was no more loving than she, and he resented her desperate attempts to make him love her.
Seriously, it was like some telly soap opera.
I remember just before the final breakup, my ex said "Why does no-one love me?" His father probably did to some extent, but made it clear he preferred his older sister. His mother certainly didn't. I no longer did, and he hasn't had a proper relationship since I left 18 years ago. I honestly don't know why I ever married him. I must have had a bump on the head.
The answer to his question, I didn't share, simply as he took after his mother. Desperate to be loved, but unable to love in return.
If a person lives in misery, they don't want to see others happy either. Also, most selfish people don't even realize that they are selfish.
She simply takes after his side of the family. They were all arses. I just didn't see it.
My parents were rather 'hands off' but did their best. His parents were very much 'hands on', and loving. I just didn't notice that it wasn't real, and very two faced. That is how my daughter turned out.
Then in July 2014.. 4 months after OH's heart attack he asked me to give him and some friends a lift early the following day and OH said no. I had to work and OH said it wasnt fair. He stormed out, but he returned later and attacked us both beating his father to the ground and when I tried to stop him he struck out breaking my nose. I havent seen or spoken to him since.
Something similar happened to my friend.. her brother is also bipolar. I don't blame you for wanting to stay away... that type of random violence can get someone killed even if it's not intentional, and as we age, we become so much more fragile... best to keep safe and away.
Last Edit: Oct 15, 2021 9:31:09 GMT -5 by heatherly
Isn't it sad the impact that uncaring or cold parents can have on their children. Then people like you and I who want to offer love and warmth are used and abused, left to cope with the fallout of the damage that has been done in previous generations.
I take great pride in the fact that my oldest son and my daughter are loving decent human beings who will go out of their way to help others. And want nothing in return.
I know just what you mean. When my other three interact with me, it's as if the sun comes out.
They have just grown into such lovely people. Happy and content.
My oldest is never really happy for more than a short while. There is always something more that she wants in life. For her happiness is like water. She can never hold onto it really.
Post by priscillams on Oct 24, 2021 8:37:47 GMT -5
My husband is the type that grows a beard every fall season, November through about February.
Last year I though about arranging a true straight razor shave, one with the hot towel and such. I only queried a couple of barber shops (these do still exist) but neither offered "shaves".
I admit I like pedi and manicures, facials and the occasional massage. A shame if men have lost the luxury of a professional hot shave.
My husband is the type that grows a beard every fall season, November through about February.
Last year I though about arranging a true straight razor shave, one with the hot towel and such. I only queried a couple of barber shops (these do still exist) but neither offered "shaves".
I admit I like pedi and manicures, facials and the occasional massage. A shame if men have lost the luxury of a professional hot shave.
It seems like everyone is in such a rush these days... the haircuts and shaves are all about getting you in and out as quickly as possible unless you pay top dollar to get some type of special treatment package where they put hot towels on your face and neck or something lol
My husband is the type that grows a beard every fall season, November through about February.
Last year I though about arranging a true straight razor shave, one with the hot towel and such. I only queried a couple of barber shops (these do still exist) but neither offered "shaves".
I admit I like pedi and manicures, facials and the occasional massage. A shame if men have lost the luxury of a professional hot shave.
That's such a shame my father had a beard and moustache and he went to a special barber who would shampoo it with special shampoo and then use a special conditioner and oil for the beard then wrap him in hot towels and wait for it to work in so that his beard always felt as soft as the hair on his head.
My son-in-law has recently grown a beard and my daughter found a Barber here in town who still does special trims and care of beards they also do the old-fashioned straight razor shave.
My husband is the type that grows a beard every fall season, November through about February.
Last year I though about arranging a true straight razor shave, one with the hot towel and such. I only queried a couple of barber shops (these do still exist) but neither offered "shaves".
I admit I like pedi and manicures, facials and the occasional massage. A shame if men have lost the luxury of a professional hot shave.
Do you like him having a beard? I know my husband had one for awhile but he decided to shave it off. He didn't look bad but I am glad he did. I didn't particularly like kissing a porcupine....
Post by priscillams on Oct 25, 2021 7:25:31 GMT -5
Klay, I'm a mixed bag. First, nobody likes the feel of beard stubble, it can be abrasive. But I do find it sexy too appearance wise. So there is an optimum, some beard length to reduce it being abrasive feel, yet trimmed short for appearance. I don't like really long beards at all.
Me, I'd prefer him clean shaven but live and let live. If he starts coloring his beard, its over.
Klay, I'm a mixed bag. First, nobody likes the feel of beard stubble, it can be abrasive. But I do find it sexy too appearance wise. So there is an optimum, some beard length to reduce it being abrasive feel, yet trimmed short for appearance. I don't like really long beards at all.
Me, I'd prefer him clean shaven but live and let live. If he starts coloring his beard, its over.
This can get expensive, I think. We can let our hair grow by an inch but they can't do that with facial hair.
My husband is the type that grows a beard every fall season, November through about February.
Last year I though about arranging a true straight razor shave, one with the hot towel and such. I only queried a couple of barber shops (these do still exist) but neither offered "shaves".
I admit I like pedi and manicures, facials and the occasional massage. A shame if men have lost the luxury of a professional hot shave.
It seems like everyone is in such a rush these days... the haircuts and shaves are all about getting you in and out as quickly as possible unless you pay top dollar to get some type of special treatment package where they put hot towels on your face and neck or something lol
Men's hairdressing is on the up here. There are so many in our little town, including a turkish one. I think that's hot towels?
Klay, I'm a mixed bag. First, nobody likes the feel of beard stubble, it can be abrasive. But I do find it sexy too appearance wise. So there is an optimum, some beard length to reduce it being abrasive feel, yet trimmed short for appearance. I don't like really long beards at all.
Me, I'd prefer him clean shaven but live and let live. If he starts coloring his beard, its over.
Agree to this, I like beards on guys, it is sexy, but kissing does remove every trace of my make up lol
Klay, I'm a mixed bag. First, nobody likes the feel of beard stubble, it can be abrasive. But I do find it sexy too appearance wise. So there is an optimum, some beard length to reduce it being abrasive feel, yet trimmed short for appearance. I don't like really long beards at all.
Me, I'd prefer him clean shaven but live and let live. If he starts coloring his beard, its over.
Yeah, I like the stubble look myself, but boy does it hurt my face... like rubbing against sandpaper xD
Klay, I'm a mixed bag. First, nobody likes the feel of beard stubble, it can be abrasive. But I do find it sexy too appearance wise. So there is an optimum, some beard length to reduce it being abrasive feel, yet trimmed short for appearance. I don't like really long beards at all.
Me, I'd prefer him clean shaven but live and let live. If he starts coloring his beard, its over.
Agree to this, I like beards on guys, it is sexy, but kissing does remove every trace of my make up lol