Do age gaps matter?

kiara
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 4, 2022 13:22:04 GMT -5

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Post by kiara on Jul 4, 2022 13:22:04 GMT -5

Hey all!

I met this guy (W) 3 weeks ago at the club and we were both instantly attracted to one another. We danced, talked and exchanged numbers. We've been in consistent communication ever since. I think he's a wonderful guy from what I can tell but there is only one caveat. We're 13 years apart in age. When I found out, it surprised me because he looks great for his age and seemed pretty normal. Not your typical "older man" attitude towards life and things in general.

I'm 23 and he's 36. I'm assuming that he would want to settle down within the next few years, get married and have children. We both had the "what are your intentions" conversation and all he gave me was a long term relationship.

Maybe I'm thinking too soon into the future and getting too ahead of myself but these seem like realistic thoughts, being as though he's older and wants a serious relationship. (As do I)

I like him so far but I am just slightly worried about how both of my family would perceive this.

Also...

For those women that prefer to date older men, do you have any tips or advice when dating someone significantly older?

a_muppet Global Moderator Posts: 35,015	Do age gaps matter? Jul 4, 2022 14:02:33 GMT -5 alsr and TestDummyCO like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by a_muppet on Jul 4, 2022 14:02:33 GMT -5 Can you call him at any time? At 36 chances are he is married or separated. But, it's only 3 weeks into the relationship, why don't you just enjoy yourself, and see how it develops?
	Caution, I am feral.

TestDummyCO
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 4, 2022 14:22:58 GMT -5 a_muppet likes this

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Post by TestDummyCO on Jul 4, 2022 14:22:58 GMT -5

Hubby is 12 years older than I am. I was in my 40s when we met, so the age gap isn't as significant as the gap between you and this man...30% vs. 57%.

As noted above, give it time to see how it plays out. He could be married or attached, letting off a little steam at a club while the "cat" was away on a business/family trip.

cassie
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 4, 2022 14:54:11 GMT -5 via mobile a_muppet likes this

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Post by cassie on Jul 4, 2022 14:54:11 GMT -5

Age gaps are relative. When I married people were shocked at the 7 year gap between us, now we are older no one even notices..

I do agree that for a 36 year-old to be single and have no baggage is almost an impossibility.
Make sure you really know this guy before getting any deeper.

alsr
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 4, 2022 15:01:09 GMT -5 a_muppet and kjay like this

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Post by alsr on Jul 4, 2022 15:01:09 GMT -5

My Dad was 12 years older than my mom, all of her sisters married to mean at least 12 years older than they were, my grandpa was 13 years older than my grandma... 13 years, not big deal.

But, you probably think too much into this, like Cherry said, just enjoy it and let see what will happen.

jen
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 5, 2022 2:32:43 GMT -5 a_muppet and kjay like this

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Post by jen on Jul 5, 2022 2:32:43 GMT -5

My dad was ten years older than mum. It was no big deal then. I do have some distant friends who have relationships with an even greater age gap so it's not unusual at all. It depends more on how you gell together.

In my opinion it's far too early to be thinking of the long term though. You need to get to know each other, the bad bits as well as the good. It's never a good idea to make assumptions about anyone.

Popcorn&Candy
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 5, 2022 4:53:42 GMT -5 kjay, alsr, and 1 more like this

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Post by Popcorn&Candy on Jul 5, 2022 4:53:42 GMT -5

A 13 year age-gap is no big deal. He's hardly over the hill. For all you know, he could live until 95 years old: you'd be 82 years old. Get the idea?

Someone being in their 30's doesn't actually make them significantly more mature than a 25 year old. It can take men longer to mature than a female, would you believe. And believe me: a 23 year old and a 36 year old is not an unusual match. Plus, who cares what other people think? If you're attracted to this man, go for it! Why lose out because of ignorant people?

Choose for yourself: without thinking about other people's judgement.

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heatherly
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 5, 2022 17:47:00 GMT -5 a_muppet and jen like this

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Post by heatherly on Jul 5, 2022 17:47:00 GMT -5

If you two have a lot in common and have similar life plans/goals, morals, ethics, etc., then it can work out just fine. If you don't have anything in common, or differences in views because of the "times" you were raised, then that is when it can be an issue.

Give it more time to see. I know at this stage in your life, it can appear wider a difference, and that is when trouble can arise.

Also, just because he is mid 30s doesn't mean he is married or has baggage. My brother has never been married, but he has long-term relationships that simply end over time. He can't be the only guy like that in the whole world lol but if he always has excuses for not being able to see you or call you, then that is when I'd suspect he has someone in his life.

Last Edit: Jul 5, 2022 17:48:55 GMT -5 by heatherly

alsr Elite Member III Posts: 7,901	Do age gaps matter? Jul 5, 2022 23:22:17 GMT -5 kjay likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by alsr on Jul 5, 2022 23:22:17 GMT -5 if you click and if he is an available good man, go for it.

Deleted
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 6, 2022 0:21:43 GMT -5 a_muppet likes this

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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2022 0:21:43 GMT -5

Jul 4, 2022 13:22:04 GMT -5 kiara said:

Hey all!

I met this guy (W) 3 weeks ago at the club and we were both instantly attracted to one another. We danced, talked and exchanged numbers. We've been in consistent communication ever since. I think he's a wonderful guy from what I can tell but there is only one caveat. We're 13 years apart in age. When I found out, it surprised me because he looks great for his age and seemed pretty normal. Not your typical "older man" attitude towards life and things in general.

I'm 23 and he's 36. I'm assuming that he would want to settle down within the next few years, get married and have children. We both had the "what are your intentions" conversation and all he gave me was a long term relationship.

Maybe I'm thinking too soon into the future and getting too ahead of myself but these seem like realistic thoughts, being as though he's older and wants a serious relationship. (As do I)

I like him so far but I am just slightly worried about how both of my family would perceive this.

Also...

For those women that prefer to date older men, do you have any tips or advice when dating someone significantly older?

I dated a 23 yr old for a couple yrs when I was 35. Odds of it lasting are slim. I ended up having a good time but it came to an abrupt halt shortly thereafter. If he's single he's possibly just looking for a good time. You can choose to date him but I wouldn't get your hopes up for anything long lasting. I'm now 56 and very much single and perfectly ok with that.

a_muppet
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 6, 2022 4:15:15 GMT -5 heatherly likes this

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Post by a_muppet on Jul 6, 2022 4:15:15 GMT -5

Jul 6, 2022 0:21:43 GMT -5 @mary said:

Jul 4, 2022 13:22:04 GMT -5 kiara said:

Hey all!

I met this guy (W) 3 weeks ago at the club and we were both instantly attracted to one another. We danced, talked and exchanged numbers. We've been in consistent communication ever since. I think he's a wonderful guy from what I can tell but there is only one caveat. We're 13 years apart in age. When I found out, it surprised me because he looks great for his age and seemed pretty normal. Not your typical "older man" attitude towards life and things in general.

I'm 23 and he's 36. I'm assuming that he would want to settle down within the next few years, get married and have children. We both had the "what are your intentions" conversation and all he gave me was a long term relationship.

Maybe I'm thinking too soon into the future and getting too ahead of myself but these seem like realistic thoughts, being as though he's older and wants a serious relationship. (As do I)

I like him so far but I am just slightly worried about how both of my family would perceive this.

Also...

For those women that prefer to date older men, do you have any tips or advice when dating someone significantly older?

I dated a 23 yr old for a couple yrs when I was 35. Odds of it lasting are slim. I ended up having a good time but it came to an abrupt halt shortly thereafter. If he's single he's possibly just looking for a good time. You can choose to date him but I wouldn't get your hopes up for anything long lasting. I'm now 56 and very much single and perfectly ok with that.

My stepdaughter is 32 and she intends to remain single. She doesn't even want a bf.

Caution, I am feral.

priscillams Premier Member Posts: 3,547	Do age gaps matter? Jul 6, 2022 9:37:42 GMT -5 heatherly, a_muppet, and 1 more like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by priscillams on Jul 6, 2022 9:37:42 GMT -5 If you can't stop thinking about age, not good. Likely it matters. But then what do I know?

a_muppet
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 6, 2022 9:53:06 GMT -5 heatherly, jen, and 1 more like this

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Post by a_muppet on Jul 6, 2022 9:53:06 GMT -5

Jul 6, 2022 9:37:42 GMT -5 priscillams said:

If you can't stop thinking about age, not good. Likely it matters.

But then what do I know?

That's a good point. It's often the answer to most awkward questions. "If you think you have to ask, then you probably already know the answer."

Caution, I am feral.

heatherly
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 6, 2022 14:09:34 GMT -5

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Post by heatherly on Jul 6, 2022 14:09:34 GMT -5

True... if it bothers you personally, then that's all that really matters. We're all so different in what we'd want and not want.

I personally wouldn't try to date someone 13 years older than myself, but I also wouldn't rule someone out entirely if there is something there regardless.

Deleted
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 6, 2022 14:55:16 GMT -5 heatherly, a_muppet, and 1 more like this

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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2022 14:55:16 GMT -5

Yes but what is it that's there? Is it actual interest or sexual spark? Sex only goes just so far for so long.

Cherry...I'm the same way. I think Father would like to see me find someone but it ain't gonna happen.

a_muppet
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 7, 2022 1:51:14 GMT -5

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Post by a_muppet on Jul 7, 2022 1:51:14 GMT -5

Jul 6, 2022 14:09:34 GMT -5 heatherly said:

True... if it bothers you personally, then that's all that really matters. We're all so different in what we'd want and not want.

I personally wouldn't try to date someone 13 years older than myself, but I also wouldn't rule someone out entirely if there is something there regardless.

How about someone 13 years younger?

Caution, I am feral.

a_muppet
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 7, 2022 1:54:51 GMT -5 jen likes this

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Post by a_muppet on Jul 7, 2022 1:54:51 GMT -5

Jul 6, 2022 14:55:16 GMT -5 @mary said:

Yes but what is it that's there? Is it actual interest or sexual spark? Sex only goes just so far for so long.

Cherry...I'm the same way. I think Father would like to see me find someone but it ain't gonna happen.

Never say "Never."?

Caution, I am feral.

Popcorn&Candy
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 7, 2022 9:26:18 GMT -5

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Post by Popcorn&Candy on Jul 7, 2022 9:26:18 GMT -5

There is an allure about maturity. For a teenage girl that 30 year old man is heaven sent. However, he'd be accused of rape and could even end up in prison.

But if a woman is in her 20's and dates a man in his 40's there are few issues. Unless - of course - either party worries about age. I also think if there is an attraction there, who cares about a decade old age difference? Providing they are not in their teenage years!

There would be no issue for me, at all.

Reigning Supreme Queen Of Laundry

heatherly
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 7, 2022 11:51:15 GMT -5 a_muppet likes this

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Post by heatherly on Jul 7, 2022 11:51:15 GMT -5

Jul 7, 2022 1:51:14 GMT -5 a_muppet said:

Jul 6, 2022 14:09:34 GMT -5 heatherly said:

True... if it bothers you personally, then that's all that really matters. We're all so different in what we'd want and not want.

I personally wouldn't try to date someone 13 years older than myself, but I also wouldn't rule someone out entirely if there is something there regardless.

How about someone 13 years younger?

At the age I am now... probably not LOL if I were much older to the point where the ages don't seem to make as much difference anymore, then I guess anything could be possible. I'd still prefer someone to be near my age, or slightly older...

Last Edit: Jul 7, 2022 11:51:40 GMT -5 by heatherly

a_muppet
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 7, 2022 12:48:24 GMT -5 heatherly likes this

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Post by a_muppet on Jul 7, 2022 12:48:24 GMT -5

Jul 7, 2022 11:51:15 GMT -5 heatherly said:

Jul 7, 2022 1:51:14 GMT -5 a_muppet said:

How about someone 13 years younger?

At the age I am now... probably not LOL if I were much older to the point where the ages don't seem to make as much difference anymore, then I guess anything could be possible. I'd still prefer someone to be near my age, or slightly older...

That is how I feel about it, but let's not forget that if they were 13 years younger than me they would still be 83.

Caution, I am feral.

kjay
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 7, 2022 15:30:42 GMT -5

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Post by kjay on Jul 7, 2022 15:30:42 GMT -5

Jul 7, 2022 12:48:24 GMT -5 a_muppet said:

Jul 7, 2022 11:51:15 GMT -5 heatherly said:

At the age I am now... probably not LOL if I were much older to the point where the ages don't seem to make as much difference anymore, then I guess anything could be possible. I'd still prefer someone to be near my age, or slightly older...

That is how I feel about it, but let's not forget that if they were 13 years younger than me they would still be 83.

96!!! Well I don't think so... lol....

Chase your dreams. In high heels of course.

Deleted
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 8, 2022 1:57:43 GMT -5 a_muppet likes this

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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2022 1:57:43 GMT -5

Jul 7, 2022 1:54:51 GMT -5 a_muppet said:

Jul 6, 2022 14:55:16 GMT -5 @mary said:

Yes but what is it that's there? Is it actual interest or sexual spark? Sex only goes just so far for so long.

Cherry...I'm the same way. I think Father would like to see me find someone but it ain't gonna happen.

Never say "Never."?

Between the Grumpy Cat glare and me not looking like a teenage prostitute I think the chances of anyone being interested are minuscule.

Popcorn&Candy
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 8, 2022 2:07:44 GMT -5 alsr likes this

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Post by Popcorn&Candy on Jul 8, 2022 2:07:44 GMT -5

When a person finds their soulmate, they can't choose the age of their soulmate. When someone special is found, a person doesn't have a checklist and need to tick-off every point. Like "Must be tall", "must be fluent in French", "must be 29 years old", "must have perfect manners". Real life relationships don't work that way. Plus - when finding someone - they are going to have "flaws" regardless of their age or experience. Not all 40 year old men are good in social situations. Not all 40 year old men are fluent in French. Not all 40 year old men are tall. The list goes on.

There ARE a lot of people in the world, but being realistic about relationships is vital. Because someone may not tick the age box, but they could still be your soulmate.

Reigning Supreme Queen Of Laundry

a_muppet
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 8, 2022 2:24:15 GMT -5 kjay and jen like this

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Post by a_muppet on Jul 8, 2022 2:24:15 GMT -5

Jul 8, 2022 1:57:43 GMT -5 @mary said:

Jul 7, 2022 1:54:51 GMT -5 a_muppet said:

Never say "Never."?

Between the Grumpy Cat glare and me not looking like a teenage prostitute I think the chances of anyone being interested are minuscule.

Ok, now I am going to have to get a new mental picture of you.

Caution, I am feral.

heatherly
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Do age gaps matter? Jul 9, 2022 11:20:10 GMT -5 a_muppet likes this

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Post by heatherly on Jul 9, 2022 11:20:10 GMT -5

Jul 8, 2022 2:07:44 GMT -5 Popcorn&Candy said:

When a person finds their soulmate, they can't choose the age of their soulmate. When someone special is found, a person doesn't have a checklist and need to tick-off every point. Like "Must be tall", "must be fluent in French", "must be 29 years old", "must have perfect manners". Real life relationships don't work that way. Plus - when finding someone - they are going to have "flaws" regardless of their age or experience. Not all 40 year old men are good in social situations. Not all 40 year old men are fluent in French. Not all 40 year old men are tall. The list goes on.

There ARE a lot of people in the world, but being realistic about relationships is vital. Because someone may not tick the age box, but they could still be your soulmate.

Hmmm.... I think some people should still choose the age of their soulmate because some use that excuse for being with or attempting to be with those who are underaged!

Popcorn&Candy Rare Member Posts: 11,364	Do age gaps matter? Jul 9, 2022 14:56:15 GMT -5 heatherly likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Popcorn&Candy on Jul 9, 2022 14:56:15 GMT -5 No one is suggesting an underage person should engage in the relationship of someone older than them. Just a note.
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cattleya
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Do age gaps matter? Aug 23, 2022 1:05:06 GMT -5 heatherly likes this

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Post by cattleya on Aug 23, 2022 1:05:06 GMT -5

I wonder what happens with Kiara. Did she end up dating the guy or she shunned the idea. I know that 13 years or more age gap are still frowned even these days, especially in some countries/cultures. I know this based in my own experience.

I think age gap matters only if other predisposing factors to unsuccessful relationship are already evident. Maturity, emotional and psychological, for example play a significant role no matter what. As we age, we gain more experience and knowledge in life. We tend to learn from our past mistakes, hence we improve ourselves. We also tend to be reflective and really look at what really matters in our life, and in the present. Having said that, I strongly believe that age shouldn't be a hindrance to get to know a potential partner. It is the personality and emotional maturity that matter to me, not the numbers.

Last Edit: Aug 23, 2022 1:06:33 GMT -5 by cattleya

a_muppet
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Do age gaps matter? Aug 23, 2022 2:16:32 GMT -5

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Post by a_muppet on Aug 23, 2022 2:16:32 GMT -5

Aug 23, 2022 1:05:06 GMT -5 cattleya said:

I wonder what happens with Kiara. Did she end up dating the guy or she shunned the idea. I know that 13 years or more age gap are still frowned even these days, especially in some countries/cultures. I know this based in my own experience.

I think age gap matters only if other predisposing factors to unsuccessful relationship are already evident. Maturity, emotional and psychological, for example play a significant role no matter what. As we age, we gain more experience and knowledge in life. We tend to learn from our past mistakes, hence we improve ourselves. We also tend to be reflective and really look at what really matters in our life, and in the present. Having said that, I strongly believe that age shouldn't be a hindrance to get to know a potential partner. It is the personality and emotional maturity that matter to me, not the numbers.

When I did jury service, one case was of statutory rape. It was an odd sensation. The guy was certainly guilty, but how 'bad' was he?

Not too sure myself.

I have a friend whose daughter was statutorily raped and the guy was prosecuted. Her mother actually moved to another town as she was uncomfortable as she reckoned "the guy didn't stand a chance. Her daughter was determined to pull him."

Last Edit: Aug 23, 2022 6:58:43 GMT -5 by a_muppet

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Popcorn&Candy Rare Member Posts: 11,364	Do age gaps matter? Aug 23, 2022 2:29:21 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Popcorn&Candy on Aug 23, 2022 2:29:21 GMT -5 Chemistry can't be decided by age.
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a_muppet Global Moderator Posts: 35,015	Do age gaps matter? Aug 23, 2022 7:00:12 GMT -5 TestDummyCO likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by a_muppet on Aug 23, 2022 7:00:12 GMT -5 Aug 23, 2022 2:29:21 GMT -5 Popcorn&Candy said: Chemistry can't be decided by age. Maybe not, but we all know the law. ok, maybe not Prince Andrew...
	Caution, I am feral.

Post by kiara on Jul 4, 2022 13:22:04 GMT -5

Post by a_muppet on Jul 4, 2022 14:02:33 GMT -5

Post by TestDummyCO on Jul 4, 2022 14:22:58 GMT -5

Post by cassie on Jul 4, 2022 14:54:11 GMT -5

Post by alsr on Jul 4, 2022 15:01:09 GMT -5

Post by jen on Jul 5, 2022 2:32:43 GMT -5

Post by Popcorn&Candy on Jul 5, 2022 4:53:42 GMT -5

Post by heatherly on Jul 5, 2022 17:47:00 GMT -5

Post by alsr on Jul 5, 2022 23:22:17 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2022 0:21:43 GMT -5

Post by a_muppet on Jul 6, 2022 4:15:15 GMT -5

Post by priscillams on Jul 6, 2022 9:37:42 GMT -5

Post by a_muppet on Jul 6, 2022 9:53:06 GMT -5

Post by heatherly on Jul 6, 2022 14:09:34 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2022 14:55:16 GMT -5

Post by a_muppet on Jul 7, 2022 1:51:14 GMT -5

Post by a_muppet on Jul 7, 2022 1:54:51 GMT -5

Post by Popcorn&Candy on Jul 7, 2022 9:26:18 GMT -5

Post by heatherly on Jul 7, 2022 11:51:15 GMT -5

Post by a_muppet on Jul 7, 2022 12:48:24 GMT -5

Post by kjay on Jul 7, 2022 15:30:42 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2022 1:57:43 GMT -5

Post by Popcorn&Candy on Jul 8, 2022 2:07:44 GMT -5

Post by a_muppet on Jul 8, 2022 2:24:15 GMT -5

Post by heatherly on Jul 9, 2022 11:20:10 GMT -5

Post by Popcorn&Candy on Jul 9, 2022 14:56:15 GMT -5

Post by cattleya on Aug 23, 2022 1:05:06 GMT -5

Post by a_muppet on Aug 23, 2022 2:16:32 GMT -5

Post by Popcorn&Candy on Aug 23, 2022 2:29:21 GMT -5

Post by a_muppet on Aug 23, 2022 7:00:12 GMT -5

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