Post by Popcorn&Candy on Jan 19, 2022 1:10:49 GMT -5
My close friend, Vicky, really dotes on her mum: she is always shopping with her mum and cleaning for her mum. Now, Vicky's mum is in supported housing, where there are staff to help clean her mum's apartment. But it always gets messy again: Vicky's mum doesn't know how to clean and Vicky is starting to feel taken for granted.
The staff where Vicky's mum lives have said this: if her mum doesn't get her act together they'll evict Vicky's mum. And Vicky's mum can't live with Vicky - due to certain rules. Vicky now has to tell her mum all this.
Vicky's mum is very messy and doesn't care about cleaning up after herself or about getting rid of dirt and mess. There is food debris/sanitary towels on the floor/dirty crockery/unwashed laundry/mucky carpets.... You name it. It IS under control but her mum just doesn't care. And her housing association will evict her for leaving it that way.
Tough times.
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
My close friend, Vicky, really dotes on her mum: she is always shopping with her mum and cleaning for her mum. Now, Vicky's mum is in supported housing, where there are staff to help clean her mum's apartment. But it always gets messy again: Vicky's mum doesn't know how to clean and Vicky is starting to feel taken for granted.
The staff where Vicky's mum lives have said this: if her mum doesn't get her act together they'll evict Vicky's mum. And Vicky's mum can't live with Vicky - due to certain rules. Vicky now has to tell her mum all this.
Vicky's mum is very messy and doesn't care about cleaning up after herself or about getting rid of dirt and mess. There is food debris/sanitary towels on the floor/dirty crockery/unwashed laundry/mucky carpets.... You name it. It IS under control but her mum just doesn't care. And her housing association will evict her for leaving it that way.
Tough times.
Time to bring in the MH team. Not only can they offer practical solutions they can also help ward off the threats of eviction by explaining that this is not wilful dirty behaviour but a MH issue.
Time to bring in the MH team. Not only can they offer practical solutions they can also help ward off the threats of eviction by explaining that this is not wilful dirty behaviour but a MH issue.
This has stood out to me: it IS a mental health issue. Vicky's mum has always been prone to lying in bed all day, due to depression. There must be other mental health issues, too: I shall inform Vicky that getting the mental health team involved COULD reduce the risk of eviction. Because if Vicky's mum can't cope with looking after a two-bed apartment, she can't cope. Plus, she is in her early 70's. This is a double-whammy.
It is clearly not just a case of someone who can't be bothered to clean: it is a case of someone with depression and other mental health problems.
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
Time to bring in the MH team. Not only can they offer practical solutions they can also help ward off the threats of eviction by explaining that this is not wilful dirty behaviour but a MH issue.
This has stood out to me: it IS a mental health issue. Vicky's mum has always been prone to lying in bed all day, due to depression. There must be other mental health issues, too: I shall inform Vicky that getting the mental health team involved COULD reduce the risk of eviction. Because if Vicky's mum can't cope with looking after a two-bed apartment, she can't cope. Plus, she is in her early 70's. This is a double-whammy.
It is clearly not just a case of someone who can't be bothered to clean: it is a case of someone with depression and other mental health problems.
Even if they decide she cant stay where she is maybe the MH team could help her with a move to a senior housing where she would have more support?
To be honest she has nothing to lose by bringing them in if she doesnt she could end up in a cardboard box.
I hpe it works out but a word of caution,, dont get dragged in too deep yourself.
I hpe it works out but a word of caution,, dont get dragged in too deep yourself.
This takes me back to a few years ago, when Vicky was having trouble with her housing situation. If she had ended up on the street, I would've been pressured by her to have her live with me, even though that isn't allowed by the tenancy agreement I signed. I would've had to have left her on the street, whilst having a roof over my own head. And if she had tried staying in my apartment, I would've broken the tenancy agreement and would have lost my own apartment.
BUT I would have had a saving grace: my dad lives nearby and would let me live with him. BUT I like my independence and losing my apartment would be a crushing blow. Plus, Vicky would have lost this apartment, too. I know she'd knock on neighbours doors, watch TV late at night: cause trouble, basically. She wouldn't last 5 minutes here. Of course it is certainly never all Vicky's fault: she has been victimized in many ways.
Anyhow, Vicky would simply not be allowed to have her mum live with her: the staff at her address simply would not allow it. The shoe is on the other foot, if you see my point. Both Vicky and I feel awful. I also feel if I had no home, Vicky would leave me on the streets, too: not because she's nasty but because that is how the world is.
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
Post by Popcorn&Candy on Jan 19, 2022 15:25:41 GMT -5
Vicky does often threaten suicide: it scares me. I don't want Vicky to kill herself.
I am still in touch with Vicky's old friend and we will watch over her. Vicky is troubled but has a heart of gold. I always listen to Vicky and support her as best I can.
Vicky needs a friend right now.
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
I hope both Vicky and her mom get the help they need.
So do I. Vicky has decided to get back in touch with her old friend last night. She and said-friend have made amends. Vicky can blow hot and cold, though. Still, I am glad they are on speaking terms again.
As for Vicky's mum: she'll have to clean up after herself or she will be evicted. No matter how boring cleaning is or how lazy her mum, Vicky's mum MUST learn to tidy up after herself. It's that or the street. Even I have the same rules applied to me: if I was hoarding and left my apartment a tip, my housing associated would also boot me out. Thankfully I am no stranger to cleaning, but if I were, I'd have no home.
It is clean up or get out.
Last Edit: Jan 24, 2022 7:08:56 GMT -5 by Popcorn&Candy
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
Post by Popcorn&Candy on Jan 27, 2022 4:23:35 GMT -5
Vicky turned up at my apartment yesterday morning, suitcase in hand.
No one was happy about this. This included my sister. Thankfully I got Vicky talking to her former foster carer again and this cheered up Vicky no end. So Vicky caught the bus home yesterday and didn't stay the night.
Vicky and I also wandered around town. We popped into a few charity shops. We also had a drink in Costa.
Vicky just needs a friend.
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
Post by Popcorn&Candy on Jan 31, 2022 10:53:49 GMT -5
Vicky is a right royal troublemaker: although she would NOT want me telling her that.
She told me she'd steer clear of the police and other things. But the other day she got angry and attacked someone. She is now in a mental facility.
I don't know what she was thinking: she is nuts. She should've known better and I feel disappointed with her. Vicky isn't a bad person but - then again - she does have a criminal record. HOWEVER, she has never gotten me involved with any of this. She has never encouraged me to join forces with her [as such]. But she is angry and does lash out when others hurt her.
I can't deny she is a troublemaker.
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
Post by Popcorn&Candy on Feb 2, 2022 4:04:01 GMT -5
Vicky IS hard work. But I know she only lashes out because of her own pain: no one understands that hurt better than herself. I do try to understand her: and always listen to her point-of-view. I also "let" her decide for herself because she has to WANT to get better.
She is like the star of the Jeremy Kyle show!
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
Vicky IS hard work. But I know she only lashes out because of her own pain: no one understands that hurt better than herself. I do try to understand her: and always listen to her point-of-view. I also "let" her decide for herself because she has to WANT to get better.
She is like the star of the Jeremy Kyle show!
She sounds utterly self indulgent.
Are you sure you are getting value out of this friendship?
To me Vicky sounds troubled and unable to cope well with her own emotions . She seems to lash out when frustrated maybe because she cant cope with or put into words what she is feeling. This is a complexed MH situtation that needs professional help. You are right to take a step back because people like Vicky can become very 'claiming' and they will cling onto you like a drowning man but thats the danger, they will drag you down too.
That doesnt mean she is a bad person or a bad friend she is just one that needs careful management and have firm limits set.
Post by Popcorn&Candy on Feb 2, 2022 15:03:43 GMT -5
Thank you for all your responses.
Unfortunately, Vicky's landlord now wants her out: Vicky just got into mess after mess. Her landlord is giving time, though: she can stay until Social Services find her a new place.
I guess Vicky kept breaking the rules: she wouldn't stop the anger. I fear Vicky's life is already down the toilet. She can't hold onto a property very long. The worst thing is, I won't be able to help her if she becomes homeless: if I give her my apartment [NO WAY] and stay at my dad's, she'll end up losing [my] apartment and I'll have to find another apartment. I certainly cannot live with Vicky.
I am starting to feel trapped by it all: I feel like some villian if I don't help Vicky, but a fool if I do.
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
She needs help but it's got to be professional. I see her creating self-fulfilling prophecies.
She might say 'everybody hates me'. Then she acts in a way that makes people turn away from her. She has predicted what happened but she made it happen herself.
Similarly she might say 'my landlord wants to kick me out'. Then she breaks the rules and knows they will have no choice but to throw her out. But in her mind, she has been proved right.
She is setting herself up for failure because she doesn't believe she can succeed. Each time she creates one of these negative self-fulfilling prophecies she fuels her own anger.
As I said a complex mental health situation that needs professional guidance.
There are people who try to think everything is in order and nice in their life hoping that the reality will turn out that way then there are people who make a mountain out of a molehill because they either want attention or think that they are a forever victim. Vicky appears to be in the second group.
Post by Popcorn&Candy on Feb 3, 2022 14:47:18 GMT -5
You're absolutely right, cassie: you've hit the nail on the head. She does act like the victim: she believes everyone hates her and does create all this drama around herself.
She DOES need professional guidance. She has suggested herself having anger management classes: and I agree with her. But she needs the mental health services to agree to put her in such a group.
Vicky needs to follow the rules of the system. If she doesn't, she'll be labelled a criminal.
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
Post by Popcorn&Candy on Feb 24, 2022 4:16:57 GMT -5
My bestie has ditched her boyfriend: she told me he texted too often and dating him could be a problem because he mightn't have been allowed to stay in her apartment [due to landlord issues].
I am sad for Vicky: she deserves someone special in her life. I may have been jealous but I don't want her to be alone OR miserable. I think she's made a mistake by ending the relationship. I just hope she meets someone so special, no landlord will stop that love.
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
Post by Popcorn&Candy on Feb 25, 2022 8:20:54 GMT -5
I found out yesterday Vicky's former carers are sick with COVID-19. I feel really sad for them and for Vicky. I know Vicky cares about them deeply [in spite of their differences] and this is a shock to the system.
I hope they recover: I feel very sad for them and for Vicky.
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.