Post by Popcorn&Candy on Nov 1, 2021 4:52:18 GMT -5
I'd NEVER just turn on someone, but yesterday my sister made me want to hate her. This is because she enjoyed my pain. She deliberately hurt me emotionally. She could buy me all of China, but I will never forgive her for the way she spoke to me. Again, I'd never just turn on someone. But she must never know how I hated her yesterday. It goes to show money can't buy love, doesn't it?
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
I'd NEVER just turn on someone, but yesterday my sister made me want to hate her. This is because she enjoyed my pain. She deliberately hurt me emotionally. She could buy me all of China, but I will never forgive her for the way she spoke to me. Again, I'd never just turn on someone. But she must never know how I hated her yesterday. It goes to show money can't buy love, doesn't it?
And take a breath, You know you love your sister dearly and thats why what she did hurt you so much.
I do understand my OH can be very hurtful at times I always try to take a step back and think about it logically. In his case he often acts out of frustration at his own situation or because he just doesnt understand.
Is your sister jealous or envious of you because of something? After all you publish and get a lot of positive feedback could that be making her feel pushed aside or less important?
I do think its important to let people know they have hurt us not in a row but very calmly telling them , that thing you said was hurtful and unnecessary..
Often being calm makes them think about what theyve done and feel very sorry.
I'd NEVER just turn on someone, but yesterday my sister made me want to hate her. This is because she enjoyed my pain. She deliberately hurt me emotionally. She could buy me all of China, but I will never forgive her for the way she spoke to me. Again, I'd never just turn on someone. But she must never know how I hated her yesterday. It goes to show money can't buy love, doesn't it?
And take a breath, You know you love your sister dearly and thats why what she did hurt you so much.
I do understand my OH can be very hurtful at times I always try to take a step back and think about it logically. In his case he often acts out of frustration at his own situation or because he just doesnt understand.
Is your sister jealous or envious of you because of something? After all you publish and get a lot of positive feedback could that be making her feel pushed aside or less important?
I do think its important to let people know they have hurt us not in a row but very calmly telling them , that thing you said was hurtful and unnecessary..
Often being calm makes them think about what theyve done and feel very sorry.
If you usually get along and have no issues, then maybe she was having a bad day? Nobody is perfect, and sometimes we say things we regret. Some people also just lack tact generally, and you almost have to just learn to shrug it off if you know they usually don't mean what they say quite the way they say it.
Maybe let things calm down and then have a chat to let her know how deeply it hurt you... maybe she'll even apologize. If no apology is given, then at least you are able to get it off your chest to help move on from it eventually.
Post by Popcorn&Candy on Nov 2, 2021 12:33:00 GMT -5
What I didn't say was my sister had a bad fall last week. She had to spend overnight at the hospital because she had fractured an arm bone [she didn't break her arm: although it is still very painful]. She could well be feeling trapped and frustrated not being able to work and being stuck at home.
My sister is usually very active, but she's had a bad run of luck health-wise recently:
1. She had a severe cough and cold 2. She has a skin condition on her legs 3. She fell down the stairs and fractured an arm bone 4. The ambulance was called and she spent the night in hospital
She is supposed to be going abroad on Thursday. This is the last year my nan will be alive. My nan is in her 90's and doesn't have long left. My aunt died a few weeks ago, too, and my dad was supposed to go to the funeral. This did not happen because of my sister's fall the night before my dad was due to catch his train. In the end, my dad was not able to go to his sister's funeral. Seeing my sister on the floor so badly injured knocked my dad for six. He was really upset.
My sister had the right to be upset with me - I won't deny her that - but constantly attacking me isn't right, either. I understand she's frustrated and trapped but I won't be her scapegoat. I still care about her but I don't want to put up with being left in tears every time I leave the room.
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
I am sorry to hear this Candy. It sounds like a very bad course of events and coming in sequence to the covid lockdowns it is really pushing you all to the edge. I would be supportive but try not to get too emotionally involved, even though you are close. Hopeully this will all blow over soon.
Post by Popcorn&Candy on Nov 3, 2021 10:34:03 GMT -5
Thank you, cassie and jen.
My sister is understandably upset and stressed out. I would never say the opposite. I don't know why her health has gone to the dogs these past few months: it's a bad time for her.
She IS venting out: and I understand why. This situation isn't fair on her at all. She could've lost her job: thankfully, she had a doctor's note and when she fell, my dad phoned her place of work and told them about her hospital stay. So work does know about her severe injury. There is NO WAY she can drive with that kind of injury. But it IS scary because work are now very concerned about her. She's been working in that office since 2008: I doubt she wants to lose her job. But - again - she does have a note from the doctor and hospital.
I am going over to the house today: I just hope she is nice to me. Even my dad commented on how snappy she's been with me. But it is very understandable. However, I don't want to take the brunt of her frustration and stress.
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
Just tell her you will not let her speak to you that way if she does it again. Then just leave if she keeps up with it. You don't need to put yourself in a situation to be hurt emotionally even if she is having a hard time.. sometimes a little space is good for everyone, especially with all the stress involved.
Post by Popcorn&Candy on Nov 4, 2021 8:21:55 GMT -5
You're right, heatherly. And I do believe no one should be an emotional punchbag because someone else is suffering. Yes: I have empathy, but I am not a toy. And I want to help: but I am not going to sacrifice myself. I don't hate my sister, either: I just don't like being yelled at and hurt.
Thankfully I have my own apartment, so can distance myself from my sister. But I was tempted to walk out of her house the other day. I didn't, though: something stopped me. I just want a little niceness is all.
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
You're right, heatherly. And I do believe no one should be an emotional punchbag because someone else is suffering. Yes: I have empathy, but I am not a toy. And I want to help: but I am not going to sacrifice myself. I don't hate my sister, either: I just don't like being yelled at and hurt.
Thankfully I have my own apartment, so can distance myself from my sister. But I was tempted to walk out of her house the other day. I didn't, though: something stopped me. I just want a little niceness is all.
Sometimes if people are being nasty, I immediately forgive them.
They tend to be lost for words, or it winds them up. Either is good.
I have days where I can't shrug off someone being mean or snappy as easily, so I'll feel sad and hurt and kind of dwell on it... Some days... I might laugh or lighten the mood somehow.. Some other days.. I just stay quiet and move along as if it never happened.
I try to consider the other persons' mood.. or what might be causing it, but I have moods of my own lol so I can't always be so considerate!
I have days where I can't shrug off someone being mean or snappy as easily, so I'll feel sad and hurt and kind of dwell on it... Some days... I might laugh or lighten the mood somehow.. Some other days.. I just stay quiet and move along as if it never happened.
I try to consider the other persons' mood.. or what might be causing it, but I have moods of my own lol so I can't always be so considerate!
I have days where I can't shrug off someone being mean or snappy as easily, so I'll feel sad and hurt and kind of dwell on it... Some days... I might laugh or lighten the mood somehow.. Some other days.. I just stay quiet and move along as if it never happened.
I try to consider the other persons' mood.. or what might be causing it, but I have moods of my own lol so I can't always be so considerate!
Post by Popcorn&Candy on Nov 11, 2021 15:25:12 GMT -5
OK, that was a dig at my sister! But she is more nice than nasty.
My sister had an operation on her arm today: she is spending the night at the hospital. I have spoken to her on her mobile phone and she seems fine. She's on heavy painkillers, so I couldn't talk to her for long. That brings me onto something else:
My dad cleared out my sister's bedroom: really. He went in there took out a few bags of rubbish and hoovered. I cannot believe he did that myself: I would never dare go into my sister's bedroom. But do so he did. Perhaps that is a good thing, though: my sister now has a decluttered and clean bedroom to come home to.
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
OK, that was a dig at my sister! But she is more nice than nasty.
My sister had an operation on her arm today: she is spending the night at the hospital. I have spoken to her on her mobile phone and she seems fine. She's on heavy painkillers, so I couldn't talk to her for long. That brings me onto something else:
My dad cleared out my sister's bedroom: really. He went in there took out a few bags of rubbish and hoovered. I cannot believe he did that myself: I would never dare go into my sister's bedroom. But do so he did. Perhaps that is a good thing, though: my sister now has a decluttered and clean bedroom to come home to.
OK, that was a dig at my sister! But she is more nice than nasty.
My sister had an operation on her arm today: she is spending the night at the hospital. I have spoken to her on her mobile phone and she seems fine. She's on heavy painkillers, so I couldn't talk to her for long. That brings me onto something else:
My dad cleared out my sister's bedroom: really. He went in there took out a few bags of rubbish and hoovered. I cannot believe he did that myself: I would never dare go into my sister's bedroom. But do so he did. Perhaps that is a good thing, though: my sister now has a decluttered and clean bedroom to come home to.
I find that intrusive, to say the least.
It only took the threat of me going into my stepson's room to sort it when he was in his teens. I didn't threaten too very often but he knew I meant it and it got so bad!!!
OK, that was a dig at my sister! But she is more nice than nasty.
My sister had an operation on her arm today: she is spending the night at the hospital. I have spoken to her on her mobile phone and she seems fine. She's on heavy painkillers, so I couldn't talk to her for long. That brings me onto something else:
My dad cleared out my sister's bedroom: really. He went in there took out a few bags of rubbish and hoovered. I cannot believe he did that myself: I would never dare go into my sister's bedroom. But do so he did. Perhaps that is a good thing, though: my sister now has a decluttered and clean bedroom to come home to.
Wow, how old is your sister?
Once my children reached their teens I didnt touch their rooms.. If washing wasnt in the basket it didnt get done. clean laundry was haded over to them and they put it away. Their rooms were their own private space.
Post by Popcorn&Candy on Nov 12, 2021 7:37:55 GMT -5
My sister is 45.
Thank you cassie: my sister has returned home today and - as far as I'm aware - there're no issues. It is just a matter of one or two weeks for my sister to recover fully.
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
OK, that was a dig at my sister! But she is more nice than nasty.
My sister had an operation on her arm today: she is spending the night at the hospital. I have spoken to her on her mobile phone and she seems fine. She's on heavy painkillers, so I couldn't talk to her for long. That brings me onto something else:
My dad cleared out my sister's bedroom: really. He went in there took out a few bags of rubbish and hoovered. I cannot believe he did that myself: I would never dare go into my sister's bedroom. But do so he did. Perhaps that is a good thing, though: my sister now has a decluttered and clean bedroom to come home to.
Wow, how old is your sister?
Once my children reached their teens I didnt touch their rooms.. If washing wasnt in the basket it didnt get done. clean laundry was haded over to them and they put it away. Their rooms were their own private space.
Hope she recovers well from her op.
Yes, that's how I did it. Once they get to a certain age, there room condition is up to them. Tidy or messy - not my decision. Just as long as they followed one rule, no food in their rooms.
Post by Popcorn&Candy on Nov 13, 2021 5:05:03 GMT -5
It does seem wrong to have had my dad clear out my sister's room: I was surprised myself. But clear out her room he did. I can understand why: although I can't say why on a public domain. Needless to say, I think my sister needs counselling.
My sister was angry but she didn't show that anger to our dad. It is an on-going issue. There are a number of problems between my sister and dad. And my sister is no saint. She lives in my dad's house and I guess he just put his foot down. In fact, he wants my sister to move out and me to move in! I don't have the problems my sister has. And my dad realizes it. I have my own apartment, which is a short walk to my dad's house. This is very handy.
Anyhow, another instalment of my family affairs!
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
It does seem wrong to have had my dad clear out my sister's room: I was surprised myself. But clear out her room he did. I can understand why: although I can't say why on a public domain. Needless to say, I think my sister needs counselling.
My sister was angry but she didn't show that anger to our dad. It is an on-going issue. There are a number of problems between my sister and dad. And my sister is no saint. She lives in my dad's house and I guess he just put his foot down. In fact, he wants my sister to move out and me to move in! I don't have the problems my sister has. And my dad realizes it. I have my own apartment, which is a short walk to my dad's house. This is very handy.
Anyhow, another instalment of my family affairs!
That does sound uncomfortable all round.
I think that once you have moved out, you can't move back. But we are all different, and apparently we are now living in the kangaroo generation, as a lot of my elderly patients tell me.
There was a prog or two about a little pensioner over here, and no matter how often they cleared his house and garden of rubbish, he filled it up again.
There was a prog or two about a little pensioner over here, and no matter how often they cleared his house and garden of rubbish, he filled it up again.
Post by Popcorn&Candy on Nov 14, 2021 6:58:50 GMT -5
My sister IS a hoarder.
I know this frustrates my dad no end. The house is full of stuff, too: which my dad hates. I am slightly attached to items too though: like I love pictures and prints on the wall. I love my Harry Potter memorabilia. I love my stationary. BUT I couldn't live with piles and piles of stuff in my apartment: I'd go mad. That is why I have to regularly have a clear out and THROW STUFF AWAY. It seems heartless but I don't want piles of rubbish bags full of stuff in my home. In fact, I want to have an even bigger clear-out and be more minimalist.
I feel bad for my sister: but I hope this fresh start helps. Although she may well end up filling her bedroom again, I think my dad would clear it out all over again. Whether that is good or bad, I feel it is good for my sister but bad if it makes her hoarding worse.
But that's the way the world is, James: if you don't look like you deserve that desk, you're not going to get that desk.
There was a prog or two about a little pensioner over here, and no matter how often they cleared his house and garden of rubbish, he filled it up again.
Well at least he is consistent.
....and little and frail. They couldn't believe how he managed to get old fridges into his garden....
Last Edit: Nov 14, 2021 8:14:30 GMT -5 by a_muppet
....and little and frail. They couldn't believe how he managed to get old fridges into his garden....
Mr Trebus but when they moved him to a home nice clean safe he died if I remember. My sociology teacher had parents with a nursing home, they were asked to care for a woman hoarder covered in lice and hair to her waist she was treated kindly, bathed, had hairdressing and died 2 days later, nowadays people realise this comes from the shock being transplanted from the environment they know.